Tax Structure in India

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) What r u doing? 
Ans: Business
Tax: Pay PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) What r u doing in Business?
Ans: Selling the Goods.
Tax: Pay SALES TAX!!

3) From where r u getting Goods?
Ans: From other Area/State/Abroad
Tax: Pay CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI! AND NOW LBT & LPT.

4) What r u getting in Selling Goods?
Ans: Profit
Tax: Pay INCOME TAX!

5) How do you distribute profit ?
Ans: By way of dividend
Tax: Pay DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX.

6) Where are you manufacturing the Goods?
Ans: Factory
Tax: Pay EXCISE DUTY!

7) Do u have Office/Warehouse/Factory?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

8) Do you have Staff?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF'S PROFESSIONAL TAX!

9) Doing business in Millions?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans: No
Tax: Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax (MAT).

10) r u taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

11) Where r u taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

12) r u going Out of Station for Business?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

13) Hav u taken or given any Service/s?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY SERVICE TAX!

14) How come u got such a Big Amount?
Ans: Gift on birthday
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!

15) Do u have any Wealth?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!

16) To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans: Cinema or Resort
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

17) Hav u purchased House?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

18) How u Travel?
Ans: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!

19) Any Additional Tax?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

20) Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) Do you want growth of india.?
Ans: Of course Yes .
Tax: Pay electricity tax, water tax, education tax, & other taxes, which is used by defaulting people.

22) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans: Wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX.

Word Play

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period...

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

 Velcro - what a rip off!

Indian Villages

Gaons aren't a bad place to live. In fact, some of them are way better than any metro. And these exemplary examples prove just that.

 

1. Mawlynnong - Asia's cleanest village

Mawlynnong, a small village in Meghalaya, was awarded the prestigious tag of 'Cleanest Village in Asia' in 2003 by Discover India Magazine. Located at about 90 kms from Shillong, the village offers a sky walk for you to take in the beauty as you explore it. According to visitors, you cannot find a single cigarette butt/plastic bag lying around there.

2. Punsari - The village with WiFi, CCTVs, AC classrooms and more

Punsari, located in Gujarat, puts most metros to shame. Funded by the Indian government and the village's own funding model, Punsari is no NRI-blessed zone. The village also boasts of a mini-bus commute system and various other facilities. Believe it.

3. Hiware Bazar - The village of 60 millionaires

Hiware Bazar, located in the Ahmednagar district of Maharashtra, has transformed from being a place fraught with issues to being possibly the richest village in India. The sole reason for this fairy-tale change is one man called Popatrao Pawar. He banned all addictive substances to minimize expense and encouraged the villagers to invest in rain-water harvesting, milch cattle, etc.

There are a record 60 millionaires in the village and barely any poor. From 168 Below Poverty Line families in 1995, Hiware Bazar now has just three. The villagers continue to strive to see a day when not one person is poor.

 

4. Dharnai - First fully solar-powered village

Dharnai, a village in Bihar, beat 30 years of darkness by developing its own solar-powered system for electricity. With the aid of Greenpeace, Dharnai declared itself an enery-independent village in July. Students no long need to limit their studies to the day time, women no longer limit themselves to stepping out in the day in this village of 2400 residents. Now if only cities could do the same, right?

5. Chappar - A village that distributes sweets when a girl is born

Chappar village in Haryana has a woman Sarpanch. But Neelam is no ordinary Sarpanch. She made it her life's mission to change the attitude of the villagers towards women, and she succeeded. Not only do the women of the village not wear the ghunghat anymore, but despite Haryana being the state with the lowest girls ratio (an abysmal 877) in this village every newborn, regardless of his/her sex, is welcomed into the world with sweets and festivities.
 

6. Korkrebellur - A village that really loves its birds

Korkrebellur, a small village in Karnataka, believes in the conservation of nature. While most other villages consider birds a nuisance because they harm crops, Kokrebellur boasts of rare species of birds that fly around and don't even mind humans much. The villagers treat their winged compatriots as family and have even created an area for wounded birds to rest and heal. Wonderful, isn't it?

7. Ballia - The village that beat arsenic poisoning with an indigenous method 

Ballia village of Uttar Pradesh had an itchy problem to deal with. The water that the villagers were drinking contained arsenic, which causes serious skin problems and even physical deformation. What is arsenic, you ask? A harmless element on its own, but when combined with oxygen or water, it turns toxic.

Ironically, the village faced the problem after the government introduced many hand-pumps in the area for easy water access. The level at which the hand-pumps were dug led to excessive interaction between arsenic and water. When the villagers realised what had happened, instead of waiting for the government to act on it, they (physically) fixed their old wells and went back to an older, safer time. The best part? Even 95-year-old Dhanikram Verma joined in.

8. Pothanikkad - The village with a 100% literacy rate

Unsurprisingly in Kerala, Pothanikkad village was the first in the country to achieve a 100% literacy rate. Not only does the village boast of city-standard high-schools, but it also has primary schools and private schools. Guess the number of people the village has educated? Well, according to the 2001 census there are 17563 residents living in the village. The best part is that it answers the question.

9. Bekkinakeri - The village that rid itself of open defecation by 'greeting' lota-bearers

Bekkinakeri village in Karnataka has redefined the point of wishing someone a 'Good morning'. Frustrated with the practice of open defecation, the village council attempted to curb it by requesting people to not do so. When that didn't work, they stationed themselves early morning near 'popular' defecation sites and wished every perpetrator a very good morning. The trick worked! Too embarrassed to go on with their business, the openly defecating population has now stopped the practice completely. 

10. Shani Shingnapur - A village so safe that people don't need doors

Shani Shingnapur, located in Maharashtra, is a village that defies every newspaper report you have ever read. Touted as the safest village in India, this place is known for its lack of doors to houses. Not just that, there is no police station in the village. And no, we are not making this up. 

By the way, Shani Shingnapur has 'broken' another interesting record. The village has the country's first lockless bank branch (UCO bank) now.

22 Interesting Uses for Baking Soda

Here Are 22 Different Purposes for Baking Soda:    1) Whitens Your Teeth - You've probably noticed many toothpaste brands featuring baking soda as a main ingredient, and for good reason. Baking soda helps remove stains and discolorations from the surface of the teeth or the enamel. You can simply add a teaspoon of the sodium bicarbonate with your toothpaste, and brush for a few minutes. Don't forget to rinse well.     2) Unclog Drains - Baking soda can help unclog stuffed drainpipes when combined together with vinegar. Pour a pot of boiling hot water down the drain with half a cup of baking soda. Let the natural drain cleaner go to work for a few minutes. Add a cup of vinegar mixed with hot water on top of the baking soda, then cover the drain with a plug. Your drains should be super clean in less than 10 minutes.    3) Keeps Your Breath Fresh - Are you trying to get rid of that garlic you had for lunch? Baking soda can help with that. Baking soda works like magic for freshening your breath, and acts as a natural mouthwash. Put a teaspoon of baking soda into a glass of water, and your bad breath is history!   4) Washing Produce in the Sink - Produce might appear clean on the surfaces, but you'll be stunned at the amount of chemicals and dirt that come off when they are washed properly. Add a 1/4 cup of baking soda into a sink full of water, and dunk the produce inside for a few minutes. Let the solution absorb all the chemicals before rinsing and eating.    5) Relieve Insect Bites - Baking soda can alleviate the itching of a mosquito bite. The alkaline inside the sodium bicarbonate neutralizes the skin irritation, and provides instant relief. Add a teaspoon of baking soda into a glass of water, and then dip the mixture on the affected areas by using a clean cloth.        6) Relieve Heartburn - There are many natural home remedies for treating heartburn, including a feature we did here. One of the remedies includes baking soda. Baking soda acts as a natural antacid when mixed together in water, and helps reduce the acid reflux. Add a 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda to half a glass of warm water. Make sure the solution dissolves well before drinking.    7) Relieve Skin Irritation - Baking soda helps relieve skin irritations when applied as a paste with witch hazel. Gently apply the paste on the itchy spots, and let it relieve the discomfort. You should consult with a physician beforehand if you suffer from dermatitis or other serious skin diseases.   8) Deodorize The Refrigerator - Baking soda can eliminate horrible smells from the fridge, and keep it deodorized. Sprinkle a little baking soda with water onto a damp sponge, and clean the refrigerator thoroughly. Make sure you remove all the food before cleaning the shelves out.     9) Remove oil and Grease - Another excellent function of baking soda is that it can be used to remove oil and grease stains from upholstery. Place a little dab of the baking soda onto a clean white cloth, and allow between 10-15 minutes for the substance to go to work. The oil and grease stains should magically dissolve by that point.    10) Simple Floor Cleaner - Baking soda can act as a natural floor cleaner to remove unwanted stains. Add a half cup of baking soda into a bucket of warm water, and use the mixture to mop up the mess. Some people even add a little dash of lemon extract for a fresh and pleasant smell. The baking soda also acts as a disinfectant.     11) Polish Silver Flatware - Are you having a hard time removing the grease out of your beautiful silverware? Not to worry, baking soda, will have your flatware sparkling in no time! You'll need some aluminum foil, a glass dish, a tablespoon of baking soda, a tablespoon of sea salt, half a cup of white vinegar, and a cup of boiling hot water. Dip the silverware into the mix, and use a pair of tongs to remove them from the boiling water after.     12) Remove Odors from Your Hands - Baking soda can clean your hands from heavy smelling odors. Sprinkle a little baking soda onto your hands, and rub them together. You can even add some toothpaste or mouthwash to one hand and rub. Don't forget to rinse your hands with water after.   13) Deodorize Garbage Disposals - There is no smell quite as unpleasant as clogged garbage disposals, especially during the summertime. Pour a cup of baking soda down the drain, while allowing the warm water to run. The soda neutralizes the foul odors, giving your garbage disposals a fresh clean smell.     14) Homemade Air Freshener - The vast majority of air fresheners contain harmful chemicals and toxins that are unsafe to breathe in. Baking soda acts as a natural ingredient to help sanitize any disinfected areas. Mix a tablespoon of baking soda with water into an empty spray bottle and voila!    15) A Self-Made Deodorant - Would you believe that you can use baking soda to make a natural under arm deodorant? It may sound a little hard to believe at first, but it actually works. Here's what you'll need to make the homemade deodorant: 1/3 cup coconut oil 2 tablespoons baking soda  1/3 cup arrowroot powder  10 to 15 essential oils of preference (optional)  Mix everything into a small mixing bowl. You can add the essential oils after the mixture has been made. Place the concoction into a small container, and allow it to sit for a few minutes before applying the solution.    16) Clean Your Combs and Brushes - You can get rid of oil buildup and residue from your combs or brushes, simply by adding baking soda. Soak the combs or brushes into a solution of baking soda and water. You'll need a single tablespoon of the sodium bicarbonate, and allow 15 minutes or so for the mixture to take effect. Let them dry out on a towel afterward.         17) Keep Cut Flowers Fresher For Longer Periods - You don't have to throw away that gorgeous bouquet of flowers just yet! Baking soda can help extend the longevity of the cut flowers by adding a teaspoon of the white sodium powder to the water in the vase.    18) Pamper Your Feet - Baking soda eliminates foot odors, fungus and even Athlete's foot. Soak your feet into a tub of warm water, then add about 3 tablespoons of baking soda. The homemade pedicure should help get rid of the bacteria causing the unpleasant foot odors.    19) Carpet Deodorizer - Sprinkle a dash of baking soda over your carpeting to remove harsh stains. Baking soda absorbs the odors naturally. Allow the soda to settle into the carpeting for a few hours before vacuuming it up.      20) Easy Microwave Cleanup - Baking soda can help clean out all the spilled sauces inside the microwave. Mix two tablespoons of baking soda into a bowl with a cup of water on, and let the concoction settle for three minutes. Your microwave will be as good as new!   21) Freshen Coat Closets - Keep an open box of baking soda inside your closet to remove all odors from being trapped inside. The powerful powdery scent will keep your closets fresh and clean all year round. You can also mop a closet floor without carpeting by using a vinegar baking soda mix.    22) Keep Ants Away - Ants are terrible pests, and they can invade your home within the blink of an eye! Baking soda kills the tiny pests in their tracks. You can make your own homemade pest solution with a little baking soda, and a trail of regular sugar. The sugar is what attracts them, while the baking soda kills them. Pest problem solved!

The Retirement Q&A!

Retirement can be a wonderful thing. It sure is a huge change in one's life, moving from office to home, from keeping hours to keeping yourself busy and having fun. Indeed, retirement has many secrets, which is why it was important for me to ask some 'hard' questions about this phase of life.

Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday   Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.   Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.     Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it Gene Perret    Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.   Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.   Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes.   Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.       'There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!' Groucho Marx    Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: Idiot   Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.   Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Lunch.       I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy Danny McGorty    Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.   Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.   Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.   Question: What do you do all week? Answer: Monday through Friday, nothing; Saturday Sunday, I rest.     I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. Gene Perret

Stay Blessed

A famous writer was in his study room. He picked up his pen and started writing:

**Last year, I had a surgery and my gall bladder was removed. I had to stay stuck to the bed due to this surgery for a long time.

**The same year I reached the age of 60 years and had to give up my favourite job. I had spent 30 years of my life in this publishing company.

**The same year I experienced the sorrow of the death of my father.

**And in the same year my son failed in his medical exam because he had a car accident. He had to stay in bed at hospital with the cast on for several days. The destruction of car was another loss.

At the end he wrote: Alas! It was such bad year!! 

When the writer's wife entered the room, she found he husband looking sad lost in his thoughts. From behind his back she read what was written on the paper. She left the room silently and came back with another paper and placed it on side of her husband's writing.

When the writer saw this paper, he found this written on it:

**Last year I finally got rid of my gall bladder due to which I had spent years in pain.

**I turned 60 with sound health and got retired from my job. Now I can utilize my time to write something better with more focus and peace.

**The same year my father, at the age of 95, without depending on anyone or without any critical condition met his Creator.

**The same year, God blessed my son with a new life. My car was destroyed but my son stayed alive without getting any disability.

At the end she wrote: 

This year was an immense blessing of God and it passed well!

See!

The same incidents but different viewpoints. If we ponder with this viewpoint that what could have happened more, we would truly become thankful to the Almighty.

Moral : In daily lives we must see that its not happiness that makes us grateful but gratefulness that makes us happy.

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Stay Blessed!

Financial Advice from Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet is considered among the top 5 richest men in the world. His fortune is estimated at around 50 billion dollars, 99% of which he intends to give to charity after his death. With such a record from a self made billionaire, who often gives advice to the top leaders of the world, it's well worth your time to read some of his advice.

On Reputation It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.    On his most basic rules Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.    On sources of income Never count on a single income. Make investments to create additional sources of revenue.   On spending If you buy things you don't need, you'll soon have to sell things you do need.   On saving Don't save what you have left after spending, but spend what you have left after saving.   On taking risks Never measure the depth of a river with both legs.   On honesty Honesty is a very expensive thing, don't expect it from cheap people.   On inheritance A rich man must leave his children enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.   On ideas You do things when the opportunities come along. I've had periods in my life when I've had a bundle of ideas come along, and I've had long dry spells. If I get an idea next week, I'll do something. If not, I won't do a damn thing.    On the trickle theory The rich are always going to say that, you know, just give us more money and we'll go out and spend more and then it will all trickle down to the rest of you. But that has not worked the last 10 years, and I hope the American public is catching on.    On investing in the future Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.    On Habits Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.    On becoming rich I always knew I was going to be rich. I don't think I ever doubted it for a minute.    On learning from betters It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.     On price and value Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.    On taxes for the rich If anything, taxes for the lower and middle class and maybe even the upper middle class should even probably be cut further. But I think that people at the high end - people myself - should be paying a lot more in taxes. We have it better than we've ever had it.    On challenges I don't look to jump over 7-foot bars: I look around for 1-foot bars that I can step over.    On being rich Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars.    On risk Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing.   On wall street Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.    On how he invests I never attempt to make money on the stock market. I buy on the assumption that they could close the market the next day and not reopen it for five years.    On hindsight In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.    On ponzi schemes Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.    On learning from history If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.    On healing the economy  Economic medicine that was previously meted out by the cupful has recently been dispensed by the barrel. These once unthinkable dosages will almost certainly bring on unwelcome after-effects. Their precise nature is anyone's guess, though one ly consequence is an onslaught of inflation.