Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have
become way too dependent on our computers.
Q: How Many Legs do You Have?
To find out the answer,
look down...
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.Look down, not scroll down!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
This could happen to you.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying:
'Hi, how are you?'
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
'Doin' just fine!'
And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!'
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
'Can I come over?'
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.. I tell them
'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!'
Then I hear the person say nervously...
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.'
Friday, January 15, 2010
Witty Replies
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours
+++++++++
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !
++++++++++
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !
++++++++++
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !
++++++++++++
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!
+++++++++++
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
++++++++++++
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!
+++++++++
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
+++++++++
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!
+++++++++++
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !
++++++++++
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
+++++++++++++
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
++++++++++++++
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
+++++++++++
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
+++++++++
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours
+++++++++
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !
++++++++++
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !
++++++++++
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !
++++++++++++
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!
+++++++++++
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
++++++++++++
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!
+++++++++
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
+++++++++
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!
+++++++++++
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !
++++++++++
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
+++++++++++++
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
++++++++++++++
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
+++++++++++
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
+++++++++
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Lagoon Life
May be you have heared about the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef.
On one tour, a traveler asked the guide an interesting question."I noticed that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," the traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer:"The coral around the lagoon side is in still water with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, and storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life.As it is challenged and tested, it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces."
Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism."
That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness . So, you have problems? No problem! Just tell yourself, "There I grow again!".
Remember, A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner- English Proverb.
On one tour, a traveler asked the guide an interesting question."I noticed that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," the traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer:"The coral around the lagoon side is in still water with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, and storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life.As it is challenged and tested, it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces."
Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism."
That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness . So, you have problems? No problem! Just tell yourself, "There I grow again!".
Remember, A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner- English Proverb.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Heaven n Hell
A holy man was having a conversation with the Creator one day and said 'Creator, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
The Creator led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but ...
Because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Creator said, 'Now, you have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here each person was well-nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' explained the Creator.
'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
The Creator led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but ...
Because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Creator said, 'Now, you have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here each person was well-nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' explained the Creator.
'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Management Policies
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.
Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.
All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.
However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.
However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
This is how any company's policies get Established
Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.
All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.
However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.
However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
This is how any company's policies get Established
Friday, January 1, 2010
Dat is Maths....
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... So, when do I start?!"
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... So, when do I start?!"
Monday, December 28, 2009
Mama's Bible
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Friday, December 25, 2009
Why only Indians are re-born ?
The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems.
They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabbana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes' and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai.
Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!'
The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'
Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.'
Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'
Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'
After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back.. Now, what was the question?'
Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'
Satan says, 'Man, I don't believe this! Hold on.'
This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now... These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell,a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire. Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone connection between heaven and hell... I am having such a hard time
controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora shop, which I had to stop...
As a clincher, Satan then said, "I am requesting the Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive as re-birth cases".
They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabbana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes' and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai.
Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!'
The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'
Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.'
Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'
Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'
After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back.. Now, what was the question?'
Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'
Satan says, 'Man, I don't believe this! Hold on.'
This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now... These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell,a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire. Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone connection between heaven and hell... I am having such a hard time
controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora shop, which I had to stop...
As a clincher, Satan then said, "I am requesting the Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive as re-birth cases".
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Cool facts about Human body
................................................
-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
-You use 200 muscles to take one step.
-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
-There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.
At this very moment I know well you are putting this last fact to the test...
...now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well. :)
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