Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have
become way too dependent on our computers.
Q: How Many Legs do You Have?
To find out the answer,
look down...
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.Look down, not scroll down!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
This could happen to you.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying:
'Hi, how are you?'
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
'Doin' just fine!'
And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!'
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
'Can I come over?'
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.. I tell them
'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!'
Then I hear the person say nervously...
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.'
Friday, January 15, 2010
Witty Replies
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours
+++++++++
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !
++++++++++
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !
++++++++++
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !
++++++++++++
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!
+++++++++++
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
++++++++++++
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!
+++++++++
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
+++++++++
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!
+++++++++++
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !
++++++++++
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
+++++++++++++
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
++++++++++++++
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
+++++++++++
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
+++++++++
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours
+++++++++
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !
++++++++++
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !
++++++++++
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !
++++++++++++
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!
+++++++++++
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
++++++++++++
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!
+++++++++
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
+++++++++
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!
+++++++++++
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !
++++++++++
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
+++++++++++++
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
++++++++++++++
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
+++++++++++
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
+++++++++
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Lagoon Life
May be you have heared about the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef.
On one tour, a traveler asked the guide an interesting question."I noticed that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," the traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer:"The coral around the lagoon side is in still water with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, and storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life.As it is challenged and tested, it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces."
Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism."
That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness . So, you have problems? No problem! Just tell yourself, "There I grow again!".
Remember, A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner- English Proverb.
On one tour, a traveler asked the guide an interesting question."I noticed that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," the traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer:"The coral around the lagoon side is in still water with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, and storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life.As it is challenged and tested, it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces."
Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism."
That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness . So, you have problems? No problem! Just tell yourself, "There I grow again!".
Remember, A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner- English Proverb.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Heaven n Hell
A holy man was having a conversation with the Creator one day and said 'Creator, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
The Creator led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but ...
Because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Creator said, 'Now, you have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here each person was well-nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' explained the Creator.
'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
The Creator led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but ...
Because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Creator said, 'Now, you have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door.
It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here each person was well-nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' explained the Creator.
'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Management Policies
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.
Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.
All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.
However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.
However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
This is how any company's policies get Established
Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.
All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.
However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.
However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
This is how any company's policies get Established
Friday, January 1, 2010
Dat is Maths....
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... So, when do I start?!"
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred... So, when do I start?!"
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