Prison Vs Office Cubicle

IN PRISON : You spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell .
AT WORK : You spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle ..

IN PRISON : You get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK: You only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself .

IN PRISON : you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK : you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

IN PRISON: a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you ..  
AT WORK: you must carry around a security card and unlock/open all the doors yourself .

IN PRISON: you can watch TV and play games.  
AT WORK : you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: you can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON: all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all. 
AT WORK: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.  

Contemporary Philosophers

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part
of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn

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When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu

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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population
believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman

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I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
--Howard Hughes

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After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb

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Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them
for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind

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The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength
of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr

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I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out
the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
--Jeff Foxworthy

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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new
wife.
~ Prince Philip

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.

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Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford

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The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan

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Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall

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Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.

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Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but
I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I
have no idea.
~ WH Auden

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In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture
naked.
--Jonathan Katz

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If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the
impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson

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I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
~ Warren Tantum ~

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Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man
wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin

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Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante

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America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell

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The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts

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If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the
airport.
~ Jonathan Winters

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I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
~ Robert Benchley

Did you know

People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.

People with blue eyes see better in dark.

Money isn’t made out of paper, it is made out of cotton.

A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it go mad instantly and sting itself to death.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

A huge underground river runs underneath the Nile, with six times more water than the river above.

The USA uses 29% of the world's petrol and 33% of the world's electricity.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear By 700 times.

The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile.

Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities.

Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has over 100 billion nerve cells.

When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.

There is a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. It Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.

German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.

The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.

Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left.

The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee.

It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it.

The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air.

To Pay or Not to Pay?

A Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fees.

The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court."

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying, "If I win this case,as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money."

Equally brilliant student argued back saying, "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet, So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything."

This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.