Frustrated Victim of Chain Mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007... and continues.......


Because of your kindness:


* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.


* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.


* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc….


* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer...


* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.


* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo.


* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.


* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.


* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)


* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.


* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.


* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)


NOW IMPORTANT NOTE:


If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 6:30pm.


Nothing has happened till now..................... but who knows. So please forward.

Leadership Quotes

"Though leadership may be hard to define, the one characteristic common to all leaders is the ability to make things happen."
-Ted W. Engstrom

"Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality."
-Warren G. Bennis

"Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things."
-Peter Drucker

"One of the true tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency."
-Arnold H. Glasgow

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced."
-James Baldwin

"If you want to know why your people are not performing well, step up to the mirror and take a peek."
-Ken Blanchard

"The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality, the last is to say 'Thank you.' In between the two,

the leader must become a servant."
-Max De Pree

"They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."
-Theodore Roosevelt

"The greatest management principle in the world is: 'the things that get rewarded and appreciated get done.'"
-Michael LeBoeuf

"Excellence is...Caring more than others think is wise;
Risking more than others think is safe;
Dreaming more than others think is practical.
Expecting more than others think is possible."
-Winston Churchill

"You get the best efforts from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within."
-Bob Nelson

"Quality is never an accident: It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction

and skillful execution. It represents the wise choice of many alternatives."
-William A. Foster

"Values are critical guides for making decisions. When in doubt, they cut through the fog like a beacon in the night."
-Robert Townsend

"A leader's job is to look into the future and see the organization not as it is, but as it should be."
-Jack Welch

"Giving people a little more than they expect is a good way to get back a lot more than you'd expect."
-Robert Half

"The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity."
-Zig Ziglar

"To lead the people, walk behind them."
-Lao Tzu

The Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her. All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation. 

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river. This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

The Frogs

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, 'There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!' So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, 'Well... where are all the frogs?' The farmer said, 'I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!'

[ Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.]

Turtles

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!

For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich. At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, 'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'

Moral: Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves.

Which Tree were you born Under

Eating Fruits...

EATING FRUIT...


We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat.

What is the correct way of eating fruits? 

IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS! * FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. 
If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities. 

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD. Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so. 

In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.... 

So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat! 

Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will NOT happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach. 

There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight. 

When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins. 

But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look! 

KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke. 

STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals. 

ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer. 

WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium. 

GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content.. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.

Movies in Bhojpuri

Did you know....

If you are right handed,  you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you  are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of  your mouth.

To make half a kilo of  honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual  flowers

Heroin is the brand name  of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.

Communications giant  Nokia was founded in 1865 as a wood-pulp mill by Fredrik  Idestam.
  
Tourists visiting  Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an  insult!
  

   Albert Einstein was  offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he  declined.
  
Astronauts can't belch -  there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their  stomachs.
  
Ancient Roman, Chinese  and German societies often used urine as  mouthwash.
  
The average person who  stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a  night.
  
The Mona Lisa has no  eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them  off!
  
Because of the speed at  which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse  to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.
  
The night of January 20  is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman  dreams of her future husband.
  
There are over 25  million bubbles waiting to burst out of each bottle of  Champagne
  
Google is actually the  common name for a number with a million zeros
  
It takes glass one  million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be  recycled an infinite amount of times!
  
The heat of peppers is  rated on the Scoville scale
  
Gold is the only metal  that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of  years
  
Your tongue is the only  muscle in your body that is attached at only one  end
  
If you stop getting  thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated,  its thirst
mechanism shuts  off.
  
Each year 2,000,000  smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related  diseases.
  
When it originally  appeared in 1886 - Coca Cola was billed as an Esteemed Brain Tonic and  Intellectual Beverage.
  
Zero is the only number  that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
  
Kites were used in the  American Civil War to deliver letters and  newspapers.
  
The song, Auld Lang  Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking  country in the world to bring in the new year.
  
For every real Christmas  tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its  place.
  
Drinking water after  eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61  percent
  
Peanut oil is used for  cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above  450°F
  
The Shell Oil Company  originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold  seashells
  
The roar that we hear  when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather  the sound of blood surging through the veins in the  ear.
  
Nine out of every 10  living things live in the ocean
  
The banana cannot  reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of  man
  
Airports at higher  altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air  density
  
Fish and Chip selling  officially remained an offensive trade until 1940 due to the smell it  produces
  
The University of Alaska  spans four time zones
  
The tooth is the only  part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
  
In ancient Greece,  tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage.  Catching it meant she accepted.
  
Do you know the names of  the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no  evil)
and Mazaru(Speak no  evil).
  
Warner Communications  paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy  Birthday.
  
Intelligent people have  more zinc and copper in their hair.
  
A comet's tail always  points away from the sun
  
The Swine Flu vaccine in  1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to  prevent
  
Caffeine increases the  power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some  medicines.
  
The military salute is a  motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised  their visors to reveal their identity.
  
If you get into the  bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even  in the middle of the day.
  
When a person dies,  hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is  sight
  
Trivia in Roman  mythology was the goddess who haunted crossroads, graveyards and was the  goddess of
sorcery and witchcraft.  She wandered about at night, and was seen only by the barking of dogs  who told of her approach. 
  
In ancient times  strangers shook hands to show that they were  unarmed
  
Strawberries are the  only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside
  
Avocados have the  highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred  grams
  
It cost the soft drink  industry $100 million a year for thefts committed involving vending  machines
  
The moon moves about two  inches away from the Earth each year
  
The Earth gets 100 tons  heavier every day due to falling space dust
  
Due to earth's gravity  it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000  meters
  
Men's shirts have the  buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the  left
  
Mickey Mouse is known as  "Topolino" in Italy
  
Soldiers do not march in  step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration  which could be sufficient to knock the bridge  down
  
The painting that won  second place in a competition held by the US National Academy of Design  was hanging upside down when it was judged
  
Everything weighs one  percent less at the equator
  
For every extra kilogram  carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at  lift-off
   
The letter  J does not appear anywhere in the periodic table of the elements.   

Listen First...

Listen before Jumping to Conclusions....

Why Kashmir belongs to India

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, 
his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up Furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. And they say Kashmir belongs to them'. 

THE PROFESSOR AND THE MYSTIC

In a small town of Iran, there lived a Professor of Geography who had a close friend - the local Sufi mystic. One day, when they were going for their usual walk together, the Professor told his friend," Janaab, I like you very much for your compassion, your helpful attitude, your poetic insights, your kindness to all and your sense of humour. You are the best human being I have ever met. But there is one thing about you that I find very difficult to accept."    'Pray, what is that, please do tell me frankly.’ the mystic answered, ‘I have learnt from my Master that my critic is my best friend. You are my best friend, so I also want you to play the role of critic’,    "It is your way of trying to explain the happenings of this world. You use very circuitous language, and make things difficult to understand. Throughout my college and university days, I have trained myself in simple logic, in the efficacy of cause and effect. Why can't you try to do the same?”    The mystic did not answer, and they proceeded with their walk. Soon, they came to the market square, where a big crowd had collected. On enquiry, they were told that everyone was there to witness the public hanging of a person convicted of theft.    'Can you tell me, Professor, using your cause-and-effect theory, why this person is being hanged?' asked the mystic.    'Simple. Because he stole.' said the Professor triumphantly, and the mystic did not dispute that.    They carried on with their walk, and when they were passing a house, the mystic asked the Professor, 'do you know whose house this is?'    'Yes, it belongs to Abdullah the thief.'    'Why do you say Abdullah the thief?' asked the mystic.    'Because everyone knows he steals.'    'Oh, then why isn't he being hanged?'    'Because he has never been caught.' confidently answered the Professor, with a twinkle in his eye    'Then tell me, Professor, was that poor man in the market square being hanged because he stole or because he was caught?'    'Well,' said the Professor rather defensively, ' it was both, I guess.'   'Now' said the mystic, ' let us go back and investigate a little more. Let us find out how that man was caught.'   They went back to the market square and discovered that a resident of the locality who wanted to travel to Kabul had gone to the nearby river to cross it, but found that in spite of it being the summer month, the river was flooded. The resident cursed himself for not having started earlier from his home (as was his original plan) for it was getting dark, and so he could not go back safely. So, he decided to spend the night in an abandoned shelter there itself, and while doing so, he had seen the thief running away from the town with his booty.    'Now tell me, Professor, is this man being hanged because he is a thief, or because he was caught, or because this other resident delayed his start for Kabul and therefore spotted him that night?'    Now it was the turn of the Professor to keep quiet.    The mystic carried on: ' It is actually even more complicated than that. You are a Professor of Geography. You know this river should be quite dry in the summer months, yet it was flooded that night. And you know its cause.'    'Yes,' answered the Professor,' unusual and unexpected floods are occurring on this river because sometime back the tree cover next to the Hindu Kush mountains has been eradicated, the forests destroyed.'    'And who did that, and why?'    ' 50 years ago Changez Khan wanted to invade India via a route that the defender would not expect, and so he was creating a new route on which his soldiers could go.'    'So now tell me, is this man being hanged because he is a thief, or because he got caught, or because the other man delayed his departure for Kabul or because Changez Khan decided to invade India 50 years ago?'    As the Professor lapsed into thoughtful silence, the mystic said,' My dear man, everything in this world is interconnected, we are all part of an indivisible whole. To understand the universe, you have to become the Whole, and not just analyze it into parts. When you use cause and effect logic, you are analyzing the parts. That is fine, nothing wrong with it, for God has endowed us with an intellect which is meant for analysis The problem happens when we become arrogant enough to feel that we have the answer, when all that we have is a perspective. A perspective is just that - a perspective – and is no more right or wrong than any other perspective, however powerful may be the intellect behind it. The Hindus refer to these perspectives as maya  because they  represent duality, whereas Reality is at the level of what they call Advaita  So, when I give you circuitous arguments for explaining any worldly phenomenon, I am merely drawing your attention to the reality of this Great Truth of advaita, of one-ness, which cannot be explained by any human words because all human languages convey things only by comparison, that is, by perspectives that exist at the level of maya, of duality.' “You mean to say,” asked the Professor,” to know reality I have to become a Hindu?” “Oh no, not at all”. answered the mystic “Reality is one, available within every human being. The one-ness that the Hindu mystics refer to is conveyed by the mystics and saints of all religions. Christ has said ‘if thine eye be single, they whole body shall be full of light’, and elaborated saying that this ‘singularity’  becomes evident as we purify our mind of all the evils or selfishness lying within it. By doing so, we don’t change our religion, but become a better human being, whatever religion we have been born in. Our own Jalaluddin Rumi conveyed this so beautifully:   The lamps are different, but the light is the same- it comes from beyond. If you keep looking at the lamp, thou are lost – For thence arises number and plurality. Fix your gaze upon the light.

Basic Laws of Life

 These basic laws of life operate in all circumstances all the time!

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change waiting lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Sports Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle 
         They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet, & who leave 
         The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to 
          Aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,and by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Evolution

Important words

The 6 most important words: I admit that I was wrong.

The 5 most important words: You did a great job!

The 4 most important words: What do you think?

The 3 most important words: Would you please…

The 2 most important words: Thank you!

The most important word: We.

The least important word: I.

Chinese Products

A chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.

At the funeral house a family member of the African woman kept sobbing and crying,and kept saying I JUST KNEW IT!!

So a family elder pulled her aside and discreetly asked her  'what she knew?'

She replied 'Chinese products don't last!'

Just Drink - Don't Drive

Finally it has happened..
BEER is now cheaper than PETROL 
Now there will be a new slogan..

"JUST DRINK-DON'T DRIVE" 

Last wish

Happy Navaratras