A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the check out counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older people buy cat food to eat, and the government requires proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store, and they sold her the cat food.
The next day, she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demanded proof that she had a dog, because older people sometimes eat dog food. She went home and brought in her dog, and they sold her dog food.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid, and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole but the cashier refused, saying "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her.
So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap."
The little old lady said, "It is. Now can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?"
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The Bear and the Two Travelers
Two men were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path. One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.
The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.
The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body. When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."
Lesson from The story: Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.
The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.
The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body. When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."
Lesson from The story: Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Acres of Diamonds
There was a farmer in Africa who was happy and content. He was happy because he was content. He was content because he was happy. One day a wise man came to him and told him about the glory of diamonds and the power that goes along with them. The wise man said, "If you had a diamond the size of your thumb, you could have your own city. If you had a diamond the size of your fist, you could probably own your own country." And then he went away. That night the farmer couldn't sleep. He was unhappy and he was discontent. He was unhappy because he was discontent and discontent because he was unhappy.
The next morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, took care of his family and went in search of diamonds. He looked all over Africa and couldn't find any. He looked all through Europe and couldn't find any. When he got to Spain, he was emotionally,physically and financially broke. He got so disheartened that he threw himself into the Barcelona River and committed suicide.
Back home, the person who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream that ran through the farm. Across the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone and made it sparkle like a rainbow. He thought it would look good on the mantle piece. He picked up the stone and put it in the living room.
That afternoon the wise man came and saw the stone sparkling. He asked, "Is Hafiz back?" The new owner said, "No, why do you ask?" The wise man said, "Because that is a diamond. I recognize one when I see one." The man said, no, that's just a stone I picked up from the stream. Come, I'll show you. There are many more." They went and picked some samples and sent them for analysis. Sure enough, the stones were diamonds. They found that the farm was indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.
What is the moral of this story?
There are five morals:
1. When our attitude is right, we realize that we are all walking on acres
and acres of diamonds. Opportunity is always under our feet. We don't have
to go anywhere. All we need to do is recognize it.
2. The grass on the other side always looks greener.
3. While we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are
dyeing the grass on our side. They would be happy to trade places with us.
4. When people don't know how to recognize opportunity, they complain of
noise when it knocks.
5. The same opportunity never knocks twice. The next one may be better or
worse, but it is never the same one.
A study attributed to Harvard University found that when a person gets a
job, 85% of the time it is because of their attitude, and only 15% of the
time because of how smart they are and how many facts and figures they know.
Surprisingly, almost 100% of education dollars go to teach facts and figures
which account for only 15% of success in work!
The next morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, took care of his family and went in search of diamonds. He looked all over Africa and couldn't find any. He looked all through Europe and couldn't find any. When he got to Spain, he was emotionally,physically and financially broke. He got so disheartened that he threw himself into the Barcelona River and committed suicide.
Back home, the person who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream that ran through the farm. Across the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone and made it sparkle like a rainbow. He thought it would look good on the mantle piece. He picked up the stone and put it in the living room.
That afternoon the wise man came and saw the stone sparkling. He asked, "Is Hafiz back?" The new owner said, "No, why do you ask?" The wise man said, "Because that is a diamond. I recognize one when I see one." The man said, no, that's just a stone I picked up from the stream. Come, I'll show you. There are many more." They went and picked some samples and sent them for analysis. Sure enough, the stones were diamonds. They found that the farm was indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.
What is the moral of this story?
There are five morals:
1. When our attitude is right, we realize that we are all walking on acres
and acres of diamonds. Opportunity is always under our feet. We don't have
to go anywhere. All we need to do is recognize it.
2. The grass on the other side always looks greener.
3. While we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are
dyeing the grass on our side. They would be happy to trade places with us.
4. When people don't know how to recognize opportunity, they complain of
noise when it knocks.
5. The same opportunity never knocks twice. The next one may be better or
worse, but it is never the same one.
A study attributed to Harvard University found that when a person gets a
job, 85% of the time it is because of their attitude, and only 15% of the
time because of how smart they are and how many facts and figures they know.
Surprisingly, almost 100% of education dollars go to teach facts and figures
which account for only 15% of success in work!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Quiz for People Who Know Everything
This is a quiz for people who know everything! These are not trick questions.They are straight questions with straight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the
score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy,with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. (dweeb is not an answer)
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S..'
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Answers To Quiz:
1. Boxing
2. Niagara Falls..The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3. Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. Strawberry.
5. It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6. dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces,and ellipses.
8. Lettuce
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,stockings, stilts.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the
score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy,with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. (dweeb is not an answer)
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S..'
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Answers To Quiz:
1. Boxing
2. Niagara Falls..The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3. Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. Strawberry.
5. It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6. dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces,and ellipses.
8. Lettuce
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,stockings, stilts.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Do you need hospital - Test yourself
During a visit to the mental hospital, Hamid Mir & Dr. Shahid Masood asked the director 'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the hospital.'
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, got it we understand,' both Big heads said . 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
'No. the Director continued,
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'A normal person would pull the drain plug.
Well....... Do you want a bed near the window?'
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, got it we understand,' both Big heads said . 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
'No. the Director continued,
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'A normal person would pull the drain plug.
Well....... Do you want a bed near the window?'
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Office phrases - New Definitions
Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!
1. For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2. Noted and returned.
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3. Review and comment.
Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5. For your necessary action.
Meaning: It's your headache now.
6. Copy to.
Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.
7. For your approval, please.
Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8. Action is being taken.
Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9. Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.
10. Please discuss.
Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
11. For your immediate action.
Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12. Please reply soon.
Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13. We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities.
Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.
1. For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2. Noted and returned.
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3. Review and comment.
Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5. For your necessary action.
Meaning: It's your headache now.
6. Copy to.
Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.
7. For your approval, please.
Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8. Action is being taken.
Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9. Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.
10. Please discuss.
Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
11. For your immediate action.
Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12. Please reply soon.
Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13. We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities.
Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Empty Jar & two cups of Coffee
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again If the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls is the important thing – like God, family, children, health, friends, and favourite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, money, status, car....The sand is everything else -- The small stuff which we search always for small gains.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, ‘there is no room for pebbles or golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.’
So...Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play With your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. 'Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked'. It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Lalu's Management Principles for Equity Investing.
Lalu's Management Principles for Equity Investing.
1) We all purchase the vegetables & fruits of the season. For example, if it is the season of Tomatoes, we buy tomatoes more and not Brinjals. This way we get fresh tomatoes at a cheap price. Similarly, in Equities also, we should buy the Equities of the season. I mean equities plentily available in that season. If Banking Sector stocks are beaten down in a particular season, then we should buy banking stocks in that season. That way we get such banking stocks cheap and can cherry pick blue chips of Banking Sector at a cheap price (like fresh tomatoes for a cheap price in the season).
2) Growth is good and welcome at a young age. A child will be thrilled for growing-up. Growth is not so welcome at a middle age and old age. Middle & Old-aged people are scared of growing up and ageing. Before paying a fancy price for any stock for growth, you should consider this rustic rule. Only if the sector is in a nascent stage of growth and the child (company) is healthy, then only you should pay a high price for any growth stock.
3) Even if the tomatoes are fresh, cheap and plentily available in the season, we buy maximum a week's requirement or fortnight's appetite. If you buy more than your appetite (requirement)
1) We all purchase the vegetables & fruits of the season. For example, if it is the season of Tomatoes, we buy tomatoes more and not Brinjals. This way we get fresh tomatoes at a cheap price. Similarly, in Equities also, we should buy the Equities of the season. I mean equities plentily available in that season. If Banking Sector stocks are beaten down in a particular season, then we should buy banking stocks in that season. That way we get such banking stocks cheap and can cherry pick blue chips of Banking Sector at a cheap price (like fresh tomatoes for a cheap price in the season).
2) Growth is good and welcome at a young age. A child will be thrilled for growing-up. Growth is not so welcome at a middle age and old age. Middle & Old-aged people are scared of growing up and ageing. Before paying a fancy price for any stock for growth, you should consider this rustic rule. Only if the sector is in a nascent stage of growth and the child (company) is healthy, then only you should pay a high price for any growth stock.
3) Even if the tomatoes are fresh, cheap and plentily available in the season, we buy maximum a week's requirement or fortnight's appetite. If you buy more than your appetite (requirement)
4) While selecting a groom, the parents not only see the boy's earnings, but also his lineage, education, honesty etc., Similarly, while selecting a company for equity investment, we have to not only see its earnings (P/E ratio) but also see its lineage (promoters), its education (corporate governance) and its honesty (fair sharing of riches with all the stakeholders) etc.,
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Two Wolves: Nagaland tale
An elderly Naga Chief was teaching his grandchildren about life...
He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf is evil -- he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other is good---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one you feed".
He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf is evil -- he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other is good---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one you feed".
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Scattered papers…
Once upon a time an old man spread rumors that his neighbor was a thief. As a result, the young man was arrested. Days later the young man was proven innocent. After been released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him.
In court the old man told the Judge: 'They were just comments, didn't harm anyone..'
The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: 'Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.'
The next day, the judge told the old man: 'Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.'
The old man said: 'I can't do that! The wind spread them and I won't know where to find them.'
The judge then replied: 'The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it. If you can't speak well of someone, rather don't say anything.
'Let's all be masters of our mouths, so that we won't be slaves of our words.'
In court the old man told the Judge: 'They were just comments, didn't harm anyone..'
The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: 'Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.'
The next day, the judge told the old man: 'Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.'
The old man said: 'I can't do that! The wind spread them and I won't know where to find them.'
The judge then replied: 'The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it. If you can't speak well of someone, rather don't say anything.
'Let's all be masters of our mouths, so that we won't be slaves of our words.'
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Footprints
One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.
He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??".
God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"
But in my office..
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He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??".
God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"
But in my office..
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I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, bu t during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.
I asked my PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"
PM answered "Dude, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Think differently and positively - a good one
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: 'I am blind, please help.' There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, 'Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?'
The man said, 'I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.'
What he had written was: 'Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.'
Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have.
Be creative.
Be innovative.
Think differently and positively.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, 'Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?'
The man said, 'I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.'
What he had written was: 'Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.'
Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have.
Be creative.
Be innovative.
Think differently and positively.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Is That So?
A beautiful girl in the village was pregnant. Her angry parents demanded to know who the father was. At first resistant to confess, the anxious and embarrassed girl finally pointed to Hakuin, the Zen master whom everyone previously revered for living such a pure life.
When the outraged parents confronted Hakuin with their daughter's accusation, he simply replied "Is that so?"
When the child was born, the parents brought it to the Hakuin, who now was viewed as a pariah by the whole village. They demanded that he take care of the child since it was his responsibility.
"Is that so?" Hakuin said calmly as he accepted the child.
For many months he took very good care of the child until the daughter could no longer withstand the lie she had told. She confessed that the real father was a young man in the village whom she had tried to protect. The parents immediately went to Hakuin to see if he would return the baby. With profuse apologies they explained what had happened.
"Is that so?" Hakuin said as he handed them the child.
When the outraged parents confronted Hakuin with their daughter's accusation, he simply replied "Is that so?"
When the child was born, the parents brought it to the Hakuin, who now was viewed as a pariah by the whole village. They demanded that he take care of the child since it was his responsibility.
"Is that so?" Hakuin said calmly as he accepted the child.
For many months he took very good care of the child until the daughter could no longer withstand the lie she had told. She confessed that the real father was a young man in the village whom she had tried to protect. The parents immediately went to Hakuin to see if he would return the baby. With profuse apologies they explained what had happened.
"Is that so?" Hakuin said as he handed them the child.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Things Aren't Always as They Seem
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied..."Things aren't always what they seem".
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way you think they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.
"Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way you think they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.
"Things aren't always what they seem."
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Manager
The manager of a large corporation suffers a heart attack and the doctor tells him to go to a farm to relax. The guy goes to a farm, and after a couple of days he is very bored, so he asks the farmer to give him some job to do.
The farmer tells him to clean up all the cow manure. The farmer thought that for somebody coming from the city, working his whole life sitting in a plush office, it will take him over a week to finish the job, but to his surprise the manager finishes the job in less than a day.
The next day the farmer gives to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer is sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes are still empty.
The farmer asks the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first 2 days, and you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered:
"Listen, all my life I've been cutting heads and dealing with crap, but now you ask me to take decisions!"
The farmer tells him to clean up all the cow manure. The farmer thought that for somebody coming from the city, working his whole life sitting in a plush office, it will take him over a week to finish the job, but to his surprise the manager finishes the job in less than a day.
The next day the farmer gives to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer is sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes are still empty.
The farmer asks the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first 2 days, and you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered:
"Listen, all my life I've been cutting heads and dealing with crap, but now you ask me to take decisions!"
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Political Parties & their symbols
Political parties match their symbols ...
Q: Why is the Samajwadi Party's symbol 'Cycle'?
A: Because after a ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford
Q: Why is the Congress party's symbol 'Hand'?
A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family
Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and Pravin Togadia.
Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?
A: It's a self portrait.
Q: Why is Jayalalitha's symbol 'Two leaves'?
A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit
Q: Why is the Samajwadi Party's symbol 'Cycle'?
A: Because after a ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford
Q: Why is the Congress party's symbol 'Hand'?
A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family
Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and Pravin Togadia.
Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?
A: It's a self portrait.
Q: Why is Jayalalitha's symbol 'Two leaves'?
A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit
Q: Why is DMK's symbol 'Sun'?
A: So that Karunanidhi can justify wearing shades indoors
Q: Why is Lalu's symbol 'Lantern'?
A: Because there's no electricity in Bihar
Q: Why is CPM's symbol 'Hammer and Sickle'?
A: Because that's what you will be using if they come to power
Q: Why is Sharad Pawar's symbol 'Clock'?
A: Because his time never seems to come
Q: Why is Shiv Sena's symbol 'Bow and Arrow'?
A: I can tell you, but then I'll have to shoot you
Monday, June 8, 2009
Banana Test
There was a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . ... Try and answer within 30 seconds
Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis.
If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.
A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . ... Try and answer within 30 seconds
Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis.
If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.
A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Can Socialism Suceed ?- A test
An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.
That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that?
That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that?
Friday, June 5, 2009
Crazy English Language
In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?
Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:
If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?
If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?
English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;
In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.
In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?
Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:
If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?
If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?
English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;
In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.
In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Mother in law
Mother-in law and her daughter-in-law are in the room. Mother-in-law was sitting on a sofa, she called her daughter-in-law to sit with her.
Daugther-in-
Mother-in-law : Oh! then, what will u do if i sat on carpet ?
Daughter-in-
Mother-in-law : Again, if i sit on the floor then what will u do ?
Daughter-in-
Mother-in-law (Still arguing) : If so, what will u do if i sit in that pit ?
Daughter-in-
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
You have arrived in life...
When your Family considers you a Friend...
and
when your Friends supports you as Family...
and
when your Friends supports you as Family...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Financial crisis explained
The financial crisis explained in simple terms:
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However they cannot pay back the debts. Heidi cannot fulfil her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better,
stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied against the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation you can understand . . .
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However they cannot pay back the debts. Heidi cannot fulfil her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better,
stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied against the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation you can understand . . .
Monday, June 1, 2009
What baby are you?
January
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.
February
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves Freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves Aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends But rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
Inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
March
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous And sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up Feelings. Observant and assesses others.
April
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very tal kat ive. Calm and cool. Kind and Sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does Work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good Memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look For information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or Make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and Others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and Travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and Highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation... Shy towards opposite sex.Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to Dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good Imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves Literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike Being at home.. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.
February
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves Freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves Aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends But rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
Inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
March
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous And sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up Feelings. Observant and assesses others.
April
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very tal kat ive. Calm and cool. Kind and Sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does Work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good Memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look For information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or Make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and Others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and Travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and Highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation... Shy towards opposite sex.Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to Dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good Imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves Literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike Being at home.. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.
June
You've got the best personality and are an Absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make New friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt And more than likely have an a very attractive Partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely That you have a massive record collection. You Have a great choice in films, and may one day Become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, You've got the looks for it!!!
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive And forms impressions carefully. Caring and Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt But takes long to recover.
August
Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention, no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone", longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn... curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.
September
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
October
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
November
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
December
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay... Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Tal kat ive. Daydreamer.Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.
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