Arab sense of humor

A British man came to Sheikh and asked: Why is it not permissible in Islam for women to shake hands with a man?*

The Sheikh said: Can you shake hands with Queen Elizabeth?

British man said: Of course not, there are only certain people who can shake hands with Queen Elizabeth.

Sheikh replied: our women are queens and queens do not shake hands with strange men.

Hard Work & Promotion

Expert Speak...

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."      -- Dr. Lee DeForest, "Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television." 

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."         - - Admiral William Leahy , US Atomic Bomb Project 

"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom."         -- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923 

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."      -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers ."   -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 [Oddly enough it was IBM that also saw little use for what became the Xerox copy machine many decades later and refused to fund its development.   Bob]

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957 

"But what is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. 

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
                -- Bill Gates, 1981 
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us," -- Western Union internal memo, 1876. 

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. 

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible," -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) 

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper," --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." 

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,"   -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies. 

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out," -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. 

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible," -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895. 

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this," - - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads . 

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy," -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. 

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." - - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929. 

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value," -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France . 

"Everything that can be invented has been invented," -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899. 

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required." -- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University 

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself." -- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox. 

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."       -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872 

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon," -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873. 

And last but not least... 
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 

Managers & Staff

Good / Fast / Cheap

4 Stages of marraige

4 Stages of marraige :

MAD for each other. 
MADE for each other. 
MAD at each other.
MAD bcoz of each other.

Promote Me...

CEO

Corporate Scenes

Dedication

or a boy its easier to pick up 40-50 kg girl,

but For the same boy its quiet difficult 2 pick up a 14.2kg gas cylinder.....
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Moral - Dedication & Interest matters....;)

Rajni Coaching Indian Cricket Team

Once Rajnikant became the coach of Indian cricket team..

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Don't even try to guess what happened..!. :O
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The Indian cricket team won the FIFA and Hockey world cup too!! ;-)

New Generation ABC

2 most difficult things...

Two things are difficult:

1. To plant ur idea in someone's head

2. To plant someone's money in ur own pocket

The one who succeeds in both is called Wife.

Generation Gap

Our parents taught us
the meaning of
APPLE n BLACKBERRY

Now

We r teaching them the
features of
APPLE n BLACKBERRY . . 

Indian brain

Mathematician: How do you write 4 in between 5?     
 
                             
Chinese : Is this a joke? 
 
 
Japanese : Impossible! 
 
 
American : The question's all wrong! 
 
 
British : It's not found on the Internet 
 
 
And the Indian 
 
 
 
Indian:  F(IV)E
 
 
This is the reason Indians are everywhere in the world: in finance, business, medicine, engineering.... anything to do with using both sides of the brain.

__._,_.___

Mathematical PJ

What do u call a cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units?

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- Pizza!

Volume of cylinder= Pi * r * r * h
=>pi*z*z* a=Pizza

Hence Proved. :)

Italian Maths Test‏

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

'Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'What's this?' the boss asks. 'Ave you gota no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,' says the Italian.

'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . 'Ere you go.'

The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.'

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.'

The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
(You're going to love this one!!!)

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred.

'So, whenna I start?'

Vatican Humour

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he
doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the
curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at
the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today..'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never
gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms..
(Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the
driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the
radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo
going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

Mindset Explained

Tea Cup

There was a couple that used to go to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. 


 "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay." My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet." 


 "Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet." 


 Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips, as He shook his head, "Not yet." 


 Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. "There, that's better," I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. "Stop it, stop it!" I cried. He only nodded, "Not yet." 


 Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, "Not yet." 


 Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, "Look at yourself." And I did. I said, "That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful." 


 "I want you to remember," then, he said, "I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

  

I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life.

  

And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

No one can hurt us...

On His First Day In office as President Abraham Lincoln Entered To Give His Inaugural Address, One Man Stood Up, he Was A Rich Aristocrat.

He Said, "Mr Lincoln, You Should Not Forget That Your Father Used To make Shoes For My Family" And The Whole Senate Laughed, They Thought They Had Made A Fool Of Lincoln. But Certain People Are Made Of A Totally Different Mettle.

Lincoln Looked At The Man Directly In the Eyes And Said "Sir, I Know That My father Used To Make Shoes For Your Family, And There Will Be Many Others Here, Because He made Shoes The Way Nobody Else Can. He Was A Creator. His Shoes Were Not Just Shoes, he Poured His Whole Soul Into Them.

I Want To Ask You, Have You Any Complaint? Because I Know How To Make Shoes Myself. If You Have Any Complaint I Can Make You Another Pair Of Shoes. But As Far As I Know, Nobody Has Ever Complained About My Father's Shoes. He Was A Genius, A Great Creator And I Proud Of My Father.

The Whole Senate Was Struck Dumb. They Could Not Understand What Kind Of Man Abraham Lincoln Was. He Was Proud Because His Father Did His Job So Well That Not Even A Single Complaint Had Ever Been Heard

Remember: No One Can Hurt Us Without Consent"It is Not What Happens To us That Hurts Us It Is Our Response That Hurt Us"

Sagely Advice

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest sages the world has ever known.
Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

iFamily

Perspectives...

The Cracked Pot

A gardener in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect. Therefore, the first one always leaked its water, while the second one always delivered a pot full of water

The gardener worked for the Emperor, and his job was to tend to His Majesty’s garden. Every day, he would go to the stream, fill his two pots to the brim, and then walk along the path of the palace to the main garden, where he would empty the pots on to the bushes.  In addition, every morning, he would pluck the most beautiful flowers and take them to the King and Queen. They were very pleased with his work, designated him as the best gardener, and rewarded him handsomely.

Over the years, the cracked pot was beginning to feel miserable, for he realized half the water the gardener was carrying leaked out on the way, and so his contribution to the Royal garden was negligible compared to the other pot’s. Therefore, one day he spoke thus to the gardener:

“Sir, I am ashamed of myself. You take so much trouble to fill me with water each day, but because of an imperfection in me, you get only half the water you have filled. You do such hard work, but get hardly anything in return. Why don’t you just discard me into the rubbish heap, and get yourself another perfect pot like the other one, so that your hard work gets even better rewarded by the Emperor. “

The gardener looked at the cracked pot lovingly and said: “let me show you something”. So saying, he carried the pot along the path from the stream to the Palace that they were used to traversing every day. Along the path, he showed a line of the most beautiful flowers on one side, but not on the other.

The gardener then explained to the pot:” These are special and rare flowers, which require some water every day, but will wilt and die if given too much water in one go. Knowing that you have a leakage problem, I planted the seeds of these special flowers  along one side of the path, and when I walk on it every day, I ensure that you and not the other pot is held over this side of the pathway. This way, every day, these flowers get exactly the amount of water they need. If I had planted them along with the other flowers in the main garden, they would have wilted and died long back, but see how gorgeously beautiful they are now? And, what is more, the special accolades I have received from the King are on account of these very flowers, which other gardeners are never able to provide the Queen with.”

What the gardener was explaining to this cracked pot applies to all of us:

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it is the cracks and flaws we have that makes our lives so very interesting and rewarding. The Master Gardener who sent us to this world never looks at our flaws as flaws, but as essential parts of a Grand Design that is getting knit into the tapestry of 

Simple Comments May Destroy ...

Once upon a time an old man spread rumors that his neighbor was a thief. As a result, the young man was arrested. Days later the young man was proven innocent. After he was released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him. In court the old man told the Judge: "They were just comments, they were not meant to harm anyone." The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: "Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home; throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence." The next day, the judge told the old man: "Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday." The old man said: "I can't do that! The wind spread them and I won't know where to find them." The judge then replied: "The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it. If you can't speak well of someone, rather don't say anything."

Nine Things that will Disappear in our Lifetime

1. The  Post Office.  Get ready to imagine a world without the post office.  They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term.  Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive.  Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.     2. The Cheque.   Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheques by 2018.  It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques.  Plastic cards and  online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque.  This plays right into the death of the post office.  If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.       3. The  Newspaper.  The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper.  They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition.  That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man.  As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it.  The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance.  They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.  4. The Book.  You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages.  I said the same thing about downloading music fromiTunes.  I wanted my hard copy CD.  But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music.  The same thing will happen with books.  You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy.  And the price is less than half that of a real book.  And think of the  convenience!  Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can't wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book. 5. The Land Line Telephone.  Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don't need it anymore.  Most people keep it simply because they've always had it.  But you are paying double charges for that extra  service.  All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes. 6. Music..  This is one of the saddest parts of the change story.  The music industry is dying a slow death.  Not just because of illegal downloading.  It's the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it.  Greed and  corruption is the problem.  The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing.  Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalog items," meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with.  Older established artists.  This is also true on the live concert circuit.  To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book,  "Appetite for Self-Destruction" by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies." 7. Television.  Revenues to the networks are down dramatically.  Not just because of the economy.  People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers.  And they're playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV.  Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator.  Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds.  I say good riddance to most of it.  It's time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery..  Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix. 8. The "Things" That You Own.  Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future.  They may simply reside in "the cloud."  Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents.  Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be.  But all of that is changing.  Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services."  That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system.  So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet.  If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud.  If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud.  And you may pay a monthly  subscription fee to the cloud provider.  In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld  device.  That's the good news. But, will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?"  Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical?  It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert. 9. Privacy.  If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That's gone.  It's been gone for a long time anyway.  There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone.  But you can be sure that 24/7, "They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View.  If you buy something, your habit is put into a  zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits.  And "They" will try to get you to buy something else.  Again and again.      All we will have that can't be changed are Memories.