EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Fire in Hell
- Watayo Faqir is a legendary character from Sindh The fables of his wisdom and philosophy are widely spread, and are told at traditional gatherings and are told to children as morality tales.
- Once his mother said in a cold night:“Wataya! You are close to ALLAH, its very cold tonight can’t you ask ALLAH to spare a little bit of fire from hell to keep us poor people warm here?”
- Watayo replied, “Amma, there is no fire in hell. Every one will bring their own".
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Funny Signs
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Anthropomorphis
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not ....... a Congress!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Delhi.
However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not ....... a Congress!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Delhi.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
India & Dubai
Difference Between Rain In INDIA And DUBAI
In Dubai After Rain, Water Disappears In 5 Mins
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In INDIA After Rain, The Road Disappears In 5 Mins...!
In Dubai After Rain, Water Disappears In 5 Mins
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In INDIA After Rain, The Road Disappears In 5 Mins...!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Acres of Diamonds
There was a farmer in Africa who was happy and content. He was happy because he was content. He was content because he was happy. One day a wise man came to him and told him about the glory of diamonds and the power that goes along with them. The wise man said, "If you had a diamond the size of your thumb, you could have your own city. If you had a diamond the size of your fist, you could probably own your own country." And then he went away. That night the farmer couldn't sleep. He was unhappy and he was discontent. He was unhappy because he was discontent and discontent because he was unhappy.
The next morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, took care of his family and went in search of diamonds. He looked all over Africa and couldn't find any. He looked all through Europe and couldn't find any. When he got to Spain, he was emotionally,physically and financially broke. He got so disheartened that he threw himself into the Barcelona River and committed suicide.
Back home, the person who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream that ran through the farm. Across the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone and made it sparkle like a rainbow. He thought it would look good on the mantle piece. He picked up the stone and put it in the living room.
That afternoon the wise man came and saw the stone sparkling. He asked, "Is Hafiz back?" The new owner said, "No, why do you ask?" The wise man said, "Because that is a diamond. I recognize one when I see one." The man said, no, that's just a stone I picked up from the stream. Come, I'll show you. There are many more." They went and picked some samples and sent them for analysis. Sure enough, the stones were diamonds. They found that the farm was indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.
What is the moral of this story?
There are five morals:
1. When our attitude is right, we realize that we are all walking on acres
and acres of diamonds. Opportunity is always under our feet. We don't have
to go anywhere. All we need to do is recognize it.
2. The grass on the other side always looks greener.
3. While we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are
dyeing the grass on our side. They would be happy to trade places with us.
4. When people don't know how to recognize opportunity, they complain of
noise when it knocks.
5. The same opportunity never knocks twice. The next one may be better or
worse, but it is never the same one.
A study attributed to Harvard University found that when a person gets a
job, 85% of the time it is because of their attitude, and only 15% of the
time because of how smart they are and how many facts and figures they know.
Surprisingly, almost 100% of education dollars go to teach facts and figures
which account for only 15% of success in work!
The next morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, took care of his family and went in search of diamonds. He looked all over Africa and couldn't find any. He looked all through Europe and couldn't find any. When he got to Spain, he was emotionally,physically and financially broke. He got so disheartened that he threw himself into the Barcelona River and committed suicide.
Back home, the person who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream that ran through the farm. Across the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone and made it sparkle like a rainbow. He thought it would look good on the mantle piece. He picked up the stone and put it in the living room.
That afternoon the wise man came and saw the stone sparkling. He asked, "Is Hafiz back?" The new owner said, "No, why do you ask?" The wise man said, "Because that is a diamond. I recognize one when I see one." The man said, no, that's just a stone I picked up from the stream. Come, I'll show you. There are many more." They went and picked some samples and sent them for analysis. Sure enough, the stones were diamonds. They found that the farm was indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.
What is the moral of this story?
There are five morals:
1. When our attitude is right, we realize that we are all walking on acres
and acres of diamonds. Opportunity is always under our feet. We don't have
to go anywhere. All we need to do is recognize it.
2. The grass on the other side always looks greener.
3. While we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are
dyeing the grass on our side. They would be happy to trade places with us.
4. When people don't know how to recognize opportunity, they complain of
noise when it knocks.
5. The same opportunity never knocks twice. The next one may be better or
worse, but it is never the same one.
A study attributed to Harvard University found that when a person gets a
job, 85% of the time it is because of their attitude, and only 15% of the
time because of how smart they are and how many facts and figures they know.
Surprisingly, almost 100% of education dollars go to teach facts and figures
which account for only 15% of success in work!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Knowledge
A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried many experts, bt none of them could figure how 2 fix it.
Then they brought an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.. He carried a large bag of tools with him, & when he arrived, he immediately went 2 work. He inspected engine very carefully.
2 of d ship owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what 2 do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for 10,000 dollars.
"What?!"the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read: Tapping with a hammer: $2 Knowing where 2 tap: $9,998
Moral of story is: Effort is important, but knowing where 2 make an effort makes all the difference
Then they brought an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.. He carried a large bag of tools with him, & when he arrived, he immediately went 2 work. He inspected engine very carefully.
2 of d ship owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what 2 do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for 10,000 dollars.
"What?!"the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read: Tapping with a hammer: $2 Knowing where 2 tap: $9,998
Moral of story is: Effort is important, but knowing where 2 make an effort makes all the difference
Friday, January 20, 2012
Professional Help
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, *"You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by
someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't
know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up,
with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by
someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't
know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up,
with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional."
Thursday, January 19, 2012
50 years in future...
Obama & the Canadian PM
President Obama and the Canadian PM are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.
President Obama goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years’ time?"
The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, José Fernandez.... crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. Vice President Jin Tao has declared Mandarin Chinese mandatory in all USA schools. There are no worries."
The Canadian PM thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks: "What will Canada be like in 50 years’ time?"
The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.
"Come on, Steven," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."
"I can't! It's all in Punjabi!"
President Obama and the Canadian PM are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.
President Obama goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years’ time?"
The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, José Fernandez.... crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. Vice President Jin Tao has declared Mandarin Chinese mandatory in all USA schools. There are no worries."
The Canadian PM thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks: "What will Canada be like in 50 years’ time?"
The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.
"Come on, Steven," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."
"I can't! It's all in Punjabi!"
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Computer Dependency Test
Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become
way too dependent on our computers.
*Q: How Many Legs Do You Have? *
To find out the answer, look down...
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.Look down, not scroll down!
way too dependent on our computers.
*Q: How Many Legs Do You Have? *
To find out the answer, look down...
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Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Amazing Hair Dryer
Not long ago a friend took her ten-year-old boy to my house looking for my
wife, saying that her child had hiccups all day long. The child was very
uncomfortable and unable to eat at all. After she checked, my wife said
there was a muscle spasm in his diaphragm. Without hesitation, she took out
a blow dryer, turned on the power and started blowing at the boy's stomach.
About 10 minutes later, the boy burped and fell relieved. We were surprised
that this thing can do the trick. But my wife just smiled.
A few days later, I had a stiff neck when I woke up in the morning. I could
hardly turn my head. I recalled my stiff neck problem was treated a few
times by acupuncture and cupping when I was younger. I asked my wife for the
similar treatment. She said there weren't any needles at home nor any
suitable small jars for cupping. She just took out a hair dryer. I couldn't
help laughing. Again? This thing can cure stiff neck too? Amazing!
She blew on my shoulders and my neck for about 15 minutes. My neck was
really loosened up. I could turn my head now. Later in the evening, she
repeated that on me once more. The pain in my neck was significantly
reduced. I crowned her the "queen of blow drying".
She explained that this was inspired by the method people used in the old
days. In hospitals, with all the modern equipments we have, doctors do not
need blow dryers. Back in the old days, in rural villages especially,
doctors were poorly equipped with medical supplies. So they came up with
other means to treat patients with common pains.
Suddenly I realized this is the thermal effect on pains with the heat
generated by a blow dryer. Modern physiotherapy equipment such as electric,
laser, thermal, ultrasound and others can easily generate heat for effective
treatment. They are, of course, more powerful than a blow dryer. However,
when they are not available, using a blow dryer to generate heat will also
work, temporarily at least, on common pains such as back pain, muscle spasm,
stiff neck, leg cramps, etc. It is easily accessible and easy to operate as
long as there is electricity.
The blow dryer is really amazing. Try it. Hope it works for you too.*
wife, saying that her child had hiccups all day long. The child was very
uncomfortable and unable to eat at all. After she checked, my wife said
there was a muscle spasm in his diaphragm. Without hesitation, she took out
a blow dryer, turned on the power and started blowing at the boy's stomach.
About 10 minutes later, the boy burped and fell relieved. We were surprised
that this thing can do the trick. But my wife just smiled.
A few days later, I had a stiff neck when I woke up in the morning. I could
hardly turn my head. I recalled my stiff neck problem was treated a few
times by acupuncture and cupping when I was younger. I asked my wife for the
similar treatment. She said there weren't any needles at home nor any
suitable small jars for cupping. She just took out a hair dryer. I couldn't
help laughing. Again? This thing can cure stiff neck too? Amazing!
She blew on my shoulders and my neck for about 15 minutes. My neck was
really loosened up. I could turn my head now. Later in the evening, she
repeated that on me once more. The pain in my neck was significantly
reduced. I crowned her the "queen of blow drying".
She explained that this was inspired by the method people used in the old
days. In hospitals, with all the modern equipments we have, doctors do not
need blow dryers. Back in the old days, in rural villages especially,
doctors were poorly equipped with medical supplies. So they came up with
other means to treat patients with common pains.
Suddenly I realized this is the thermal effect on pains with the heat
generated by a blow dryer. Modern physiotherapy equipment such as electric,
laser, thermal, ultrasound and others can easily generate heat for effective
treatment. They are, of course, more powerful than a blow dryer. However,
when they are not available, using a blow dryer to generate heat will also
work, temporarily at least, on common pains such as back pain, muscle spasm,
stiff neck, leg cramps, etc. It is easily accessible and easy to operate as
long as there is electricity.
The blow dryer is really amazing. Try it. Hope it works for you too.*
Monday, January 16, 2012
Statue of a Rat
An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.
Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
Story,"says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.
"I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,
He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys
And sewers and begin following him down the street.
This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.
But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind
Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned.
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The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the
story?"
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!
Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
Story,"says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.
"I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,
He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys
And sewers and begin following him down the street.
This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.
But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind
Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned.
*
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*
The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the
story?"
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Perfectly Logical
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
(I'm sure you're going back to read it again!)
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
(I'm sure you're going back to read it again!)
Friday, January 13, 2012
DEALING with anger, insults,….
The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion. One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake." Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom the gift belongs?" The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift." The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself." "If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy." The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are right, o Enlightened One, "he said.”Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower." The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me."
Thursday, January 12, 2012
No health insurance
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Test of Gossip
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
“Triple filter?”
“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and ...”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really …”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
“Triple filter?”
“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and ...”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really …”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Story of Midas Touch
We all know the story of the greedy king named Midas. He had a lot of gold and the more he had the more he wanted. He stored all the gold in his vaults and used to spend time every day counting it.
One day while he was counting a stranger came from nowhere and said he would grant him a wish. The king was delighted and said, "I would like everything I touch to turn to gold." The stranger asked the king, Are you sure?" The king replied, "Yes." So the stranger said, "Starting tomorrow morning with the sun rays you will get the golden touch." The king thought he must be dreaming, this couldn't be true. But the next day when he woke up, he touched the bed, his clothes, and everything turned to gold. He looked out of the window and saw his daughter playing in the garden. He decided to give her a surprise and thought she would be happy. But before he went to the garden he decided to read a book. The moment he touched it, it turned into gold and he couldn't read it. Then he sat to have breakfast and the moment he touched the fruit and the glass of water, they turned to gold. He was getting hungry and he said to himself, "I can't eat and drink gold." Just about that time his daughter came running and he hugged her and she turned into a gold statue. There were no more smiles left.
The king bowed his head and started crying. The stranger who gave the wish came again and asked the king if he was happy with his golden touch. The king said he was the most miserable man. The stranger asked, "What would you rather have, your food and loving daughter or lumps of gold and her golden statue?" The king cried and asked for forgiveness. He said, "I will give up all my gold. Please give me my daughter back because without her I have lost everything wo rth having." The stranger said to the king, "You have become wiser than before" and he reversed the spell. He got his daughter back in his arms and the king learned a lesson that he never forget for the rest of his life.
This is for all the people who are fighting for a work life Balance ...fighting to prioritize between family and work ..if you feel this message needs to go to person who seems to be burning out please share the same on their page ..
One day while he was counting a stranger came from nowhere and said he would grant him a wish. The king was delighted and said, "I would like everything I touch to turn to gold." The stranger asked the king, Are you sure?" The king replied, "Yes." So the stranger said, "Starting tomorrow morning with the sun rays you will get the golden touch." The king thought he must be dreaming, this couldn't be true. But the next day when he woke up, he touched the bed, his clothes, and everything turned to gold. He looked out of the window and saw his daughter playing in the garden. He decided to give her a surprise and thought she would be happy. But before he went to the garden he decided to read a book. The moment he touched it, it turned into gold and he couldn't read it. Then he sat to have breakfast and the moment he touched the fruit and the glass of water, they turned to gold. He was getting hungry and he said to himself, "I can't eat and drink gold." Just about that time his daughter came running and he hugged her and she turned into a gold statue. There were no more smiles left.
The king bowed his head and started crying. The stranger who gave the wish came again and asked the king if he was happy with his golden touch. The king said he was the most miserable man. The stranger asked, "What would you rather have, your food and loving daughter or lumps of gold and her golden statue?" The king cried and asked for forgiveness. He said, "I will give up all my gold. Please give me my daughter back because without her I have lost everything wo rth having." The stranger said to the king, "You have become wiser than before" and he reversed the spell. He got his daughter back in his arms and the king learned a lesson that he never forget for the rest of his life.
This is for all the people who are fighting for a work life Balance ...fighting to prioritize between family and work ..if you feel this message needs to go to person who seems to be burning out please share the same on their page ..
Monday, January 9, 2012
How to make a girl happy?
It's not at all difficult. U only need to be
1. A friend
2. Companion
3. Lover
4. Chef
5. Electrician
6. Carpenter
7. Mechanic
8. Decorator
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
312. Good listener
313. Organizer
314. Good boyfriend
315. Very clean
316. Sympathetic
317. Athletic
318. Warm
.
.
.
1054. Courageous
1055. Determined
1056. True
1057. Intelligent
.
.
.
10014. Pest exterminator
10015. Psychiatrist
10016. Healer
.
.
.
.
.
3110010. Stylist
.
.
.
.
Do this & they'll surely think about giving a smile...:) :)
1. A friend
2. Companion
3. Lover
4. Chef
5. Electrician
6. Carpenter
7. Mechanic
8. Decorator
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
312. Good listener
313. Organizer
314. Good boyfriend
315. Very clean
316. Sympathetic
317. Athletic
318. Warm
.
.
.
1054. Courageous
1055. Determined
1056. True
1057. Intelligent
.
.
.
10014. Pest exterminator
10015. Psychiatrist
10016. Healer
.
.
.
.
.
3110010. Stylist
.
.
.
.
Do this & they'll surely think about giving a smile...:) :)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Communication Skills
Jack and Mark are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Mark replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Mark says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Mark goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son, by all means. You can always pray whenever you want to." ;););)
Mark replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Mark says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Mark goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son, by all means. You can always pray whenever you want to." ;););)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
How to make boys work...
A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.
(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real
big MNC's )
Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on
Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real
big MNC's )
Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on
Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Notice
Notice On A Public Building:
In Case Of Fire,
Exit The Building
Before Tweeting About It Or Putting It On The Facebook Wall.
In Case Of Fire,
Exit The Building
Before Tweeting About It Or Putting It On The Facebook Wall.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I've learned
I've learned..... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way
I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with
.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people who are smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Bill Gates in Punjab
Microsoft's Bill Gates decided to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta Singh .
To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
Date : 1 April 2011
Subject : Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice..
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ' find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when will you provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when will you provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC only at home.
8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after office hours.
Regards,
Last one Mr. Bill Gates
PS: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
Date : 1 April 2011
Subject : Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice..
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ' find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when will you provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when will you provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC only at home.
8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after office hours.
Regards,
Last one Mr. Bill Gates
PS: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Sunday, January 1, 2012
SMARTNESS V/S INTELLIGENCE!!
Einstein and Banta are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
Einstein says, "Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?
Banta doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.
Now, it's Banta's turn. He asks Einstein, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?"
Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Banta $500.
Einstein going nuts and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5.
Einstein says, "Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?
Banta doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.
Now, it's Banta's turn. He asks Einstein, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?"
Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Banta $500.
Einstein going nuts and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5.
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