The Retirement Q&A!

Retirement can be a wonderful thing. It sure is a huge change in one's life, moving from office to home, from keeping hours to keeping yourself busy and having fun. Indeed, retirement has many secrets, which is why it was important for me to ask some 'hard' questions about this phase of life.

Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday   Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.   Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.     Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it Gene Perret    Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.   Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.   Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes.   Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.       'There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!' Groucho Marx    Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: Idiot   Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.   Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Lunch.       I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy Danny McGorty    Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.   Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.   Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.   Question: What do you do all week? Answer: Monday through Friday, nothing; Saturday Sunday, I rest.     I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. Gene Perret

Stay Blessed

A famous writer was in his study room. He picked up his pen and started writing:

**Last year, I had a surgery and my gall bladder was removed. I had to stay stuck to the bed due to this surgery for a long time.

**The same year I reached the age of 60 years and had to give up my favourite job. I had spent 30 years of my life in this publishing company.

**The same year I experienced the sorrow of the death of my father.

**And in the same year my son failed in his medical exam because he had a car accident. He had to stay in bed at hospital with the cast on for several days. The destruction of car was another loss.

At the end he wrote: Alas! It was such bad year!! 

When the writer's wife entered the room, she found he husband looking sad lost in his thoughts. From behind his back she read what was written on the paper. She left the room silently and came back with another paper and placed it on side of her husband's writing.

When the writer saw this paper, he found this written on it:

**Last year I finally got rid of my gall bladder due to which I had spent years in pain.

**I turned 60 with sound health and got retired from my job. Now I can utilize my time to write something better with more focus and peace.

**The same year my father, at the age of 95, without depending on anyone or without any critical condition met his Creator.

**The same year, God blessed my son with a new life. My car was destroyed but my son stayed alive without getting any disability.

At the end she wrote: 

This year was an immense blessing of God and it passed well!

See!

The same incidents but different viewpoints. If we ponder with this viewpoint that what could have happened more, we would truly become thankful to the Almighty.

Moral : In daily lives we must see that its not happiness that makes us grateful but gratefulness that makes us happy.

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Stay Blessed!

Financial Advice from Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet is considered among the top 5 richest men in the world. His fortune is estimated at around 50 billion dollars, 99% of which he intends to give to charity after his death. With such a record from a self made billionaire, who often gives advice to the top leaders of the world, it's well worth your time to read some of his advice.

On Reputation It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.    On his most basic rules Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.    On sources of income Never count on a single income. Make investments to create additional sources of revenue.   On spending If you buy things you don't need, you'll soon have to sell things you do need.   On saving Don't save what you have left after spending, but spend what you have left after saving.   On taking risks Never measure the depth of a river with both legs.   On honesty Honesty is a very expensive thing, don't expect it from cheap people.   On inheritance A rich man must leave his children enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.   On ideas You do things when the opportunities come along. I've had periods in my life when I've had a bundle of ideas come along, and I've had long dry spells. If I get an idea next week, I'll do something. If not, I won't do a damn thing.    On the trickle theory The rich are always going to say that, you know, just give us more money and we'll go out and spend more and then it will all trickle down to the rest of you. But that has not worked the last 10 years, and I hope the American public is catching on.    On investing in the future Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.    On Habits Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.    On becoming rich I always knew I was going to be rich. I don't think I ever doubted it for a minute.    On learning from betters It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.     On price and value Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.    On taxes for the rich If anything, taxes for the lower and middle class and maybe even the upper middle class should even probably be cut further. But I think that people at the high end - people myself - should be paying a lot more in taxes. We have it better than we've ever had it.    On challenges I don't look to jump over 7-foot bars: I look around for 1-foot bars that I can step over.    On being rich Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars.    On risk Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing.   On wall street Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.    On how he invests I never attempt to make money on the stock market. I buy on the assumption that they could close the market the next day and not reopen it for five years.    On hindsight In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.    On ponzi schemes Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.    On learning from history If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.    On healing the economy  Economic medicine that was previously meted out by the cupful has recently been dispensed by the barrel. These once unthinkable dosages will almost certainly bring on unwelcome after-effects. Their precise nature is anyone's guess, though one ly consequence is an onslaught of inflation.

Real Robbers

During a robbery in Guangzhou , China , the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" This is called "Being Professional”Focus only on what you are trained to do! When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" This is called "Experience.”Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”. This is called "Swim with the tide.”Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage! The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month." This is called "Killing Boredom.”Personal Happiness is more important than your job. The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!" This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!" The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery. This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks! So who are the real robbers here?

ATTITUDE DECIDES ALTITUDES...

1. SOLDIER: SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,MAJOR: EXCELLENT! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.

2. EVERY ONE KNOWS ABOUT ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL WHO INVENTED THE TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS FAMILY. BECAUSE, HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER WERE DEAF. THAT’S LIFE “LIVE FOR OTHERS “. 3. THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE IT. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS " BECAUSE IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.

4. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE ........IT’S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK.
5. IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS. IF AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN.......LIFE BEGINS.GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN.
6. IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU LOVE. THAN TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE....... BECAUSE OF EGO.

7. A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T SHINE BY JUST SHAKING HANDS AT THE BEST OF TIMES. BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS.

8. HEATED GOLD BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BEATED COPPER BECOMES WIRES.DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO, THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN YOUR LIFE THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME.

9. WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT ANY DOUBT... AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO:EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON .

Pun-Intented

1.       Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 

2.       I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 

3.       I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down 

4.       I used to be a banker but I lost interest . 

5.       I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something. 

6.       Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

8.       I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy. 

9.       I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

10.   Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.

12 Essential Rules to Live More Like a Zen Monk

“Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine.” - Shunryu Suzuki

1. Do one thing at a time. This rule (and some of the others that follow) will be familiar to long-time Zen Habits readers. It’s part of my philosophy, and it’s also a part of the life of a Zen monk: single-task, don’t multi-task. When you’re pouring water, just pour water. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re bathing, just bathe. Don’t try to knock off a few tasks while eating or bathing. Zen proverb: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.”
2. Do it slowly and deliberately. You can do one task at a time, but also rush that task. Instead, take your time, and move slowly. Make your actions deliberate, not rushed and random. It takes practice, but it helps you focus on the task.
3. Do it completely. Put your mind completely on the task. Don’t move on to the next task until you’re finished. If, for some reason, you have no choice but to move on to something else, try to at least put away the unfinished task and clean up after yourself. If you prepare a sandwich, don’t start eating it until you’ve put away the stuff you used to prepare it, wiped down the counter, and washed the dishes used for preparation. Then you’re done with that task, and can focus more completely on the next task.
4. Do less. A Zen monk doesn’t lead a lazy life: he wakes early and has a day filled with work. However, he doesn’t have an unending task list either — there are certain things he’s going to do today, and no more. If you do less, you can do those things more slowly, more completely and with more concentration. If you fill your day with tasks, you will be rushing from one thing to the next without stopping to think about what you do.
5. Put space between things. Related to the “Do less” rule, but it’s a way of managing your schedule so that you always have time to complete each task. Don’t schedule things close together — instead, leave room between things on your schedule. That gives you a more relaxed schedule, and leaves space in case one task takes longer than you planned.
6. Develop rituals. Zen monks have rituals for many things they do, from eating to cleaning to meditation. Ritual gives something a sense of importance — if it’s important enough to have a ritual, it’s important enough to be given your entire attention, and to be done slowly and correctly. You don’t have to learn the Zen monk rituals — you can create your own, for the preparation of food, for eating, for cleaning, for what you do before you start your work, for what you do when you wake up and before you go to bed, for what you do just before exercise. Anything you want, really.
7. Designate time for certain things. There are certain times in the day of a Zen monk designated for certain activities. A time for for bathing, a time for work, a time for cleaning, a time for eating. This ensures that those things get done regularly. You can designate time for your own activities, whether that be work or cleaning or exercise or quiet contemplation. If it’s important enough to do regularly, consider designating a time for it.
8. Devote time to sitting. In the life of a Zen monk, sitting meditation (zazen) is one of the most important parts of his day. Each day, there is time designated just for sitting. This meditation is really practice for learning to be present. You can devote time for sitting meditation, or do what I do: I use running as a way to practice being in the moment. You could use any activity in the same way, as long as you do it regularly and practice being present.
9. Smile and serve others. Zen monks spend part of their day in service to others, whether that be other monks in the monastery or people on the outside world. It teaches them humility, and ensures that their lives are not just selfish, but devoted to others. If you’re a parent, it’s likely you already spend at least some time in service to others in your household, and non-parents may already do this too. Similarly, smiling and being kind to others can be a great way to improve the lives of those around you. Also consider volunteering for charity work.
10. Make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Aside from the zazen mentioned above, cooking and cleaning are two of the most exalted parts of a Zen monk’s day. They are both great ways to practice mindfulness, and can be great rituals performed each day. If cooking and cleaning seem like boring chores to you, try doing them as a form of meditation. Put your entire mind into those tasks, concentrate, and do them slowly and completely. It could change your entire day (as well as leave you with a cleaner house).
11. Think about what is necessary. There is little in a Zen monk’s life that isn’t necessary. He doesn’t have a closet full of shoes, or the latest in trendy clothes. He doesn’t have a refrigerator and cabinets full of junk food. He doesn’t have the latest gadgets, cars, televisions, or iPod. He has basic clothing, basic shelter, basic utensils, basic tools, and the most basic food (they eat simple, vegetarian meals consisting usually of rice, miso soup, vegetables, and pickled vegetables). Now, I’m not saying you should live exactly like a Zen monk — I certainly don’t. But it does serve as a reminder that there is much in our lives that aren’t necessary, and it can be useful to give some thought about what we really need, and whether it is important to have all the stuff we have that’s not necessary.
12. Live simply. The corollary of Rule 11 is that if something isn’t necessary, you can probably live without it. And so to live simply is to rid your life of as many of the unnecessary and unessential things as you can, to make room for the essential. Now, what is essential will be different to each person. For me, my family, my writing, my running and my reading are essential. To others, yoga and spending time with close friends might be essential. For others it will be nursing and volunteering and going to church and collecting comic books. There is no law saying what should be essential for you — but you should consider what is most important to your life, and make room for that by eliminating the other less essential things in your life.

“Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.” - Wu Li

Hyderabadi Humor

Read aloud with a nasal Hyderabadi accent:

Me at coffee shop in Hydrabad:
Waiter: Kya hona?
Me: Latte?
W: Hau late.. kya hona bolo?
Me: Mocha?
W: Mauka sab ko hona life me.... ab kya hona bolo....
Me: Cappuccino
W: Kaiko dusro ko cuppa chinoo? andar bahot cuppa hai...

Why men are seldom depressed

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt..

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 

One mood all the  time. 

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own  jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend. 

Your underwear is  $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original colour..

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck. 

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.