Adobe...

If you want to remove wrinkles, pimples, face marks and the 7 signs of skin aging

try....

ADOBE PHOTOSHOP

Financial Management

A beggar found Rs.100 

He went to 5 star hotel for dinner. Bill was Rs.3000 

Manager handed him to police.

He gave Rs.100 to police and got himself free.


Case Study for FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT without MBA. 

Fury

Bollywood & Beemariyan

Bollywood's is tail of expressing "Beemariya" or inspired from them:

1. Jiya jale jaan jale rat bhar dhuan chale - Fever


2. Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi - Heart attack


3. Bidi jalai le jigar se piya jigar me badi aag hai - Acidity


4. Tujhame rub dikhata hai yara mai kya karu - Cataract

5. Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kehna - Alzeimers

6. Man dole mera tan dole - Vertigo

7. dil ke tukre tukre kr ke muskurakey chal diye.....open heart surgery

8. Juda hoke bhi tu mujhme kahi baki hai - Constipation

New tool for laughter clubs

Electricity...

Wikipedia: I know everything!

Google: I have everything!

Facebook: I know everybody 

Internet: Without me you all nothing.

Electricity: Keep talking bitches! 

Beemar IT Employee...

Beemar IT Employee se uski biwi boli –  Iss bar koi janwaro ke doctor ko dikhao tabhi aap theek hoge…

Pati - Woh kyon ?

Biwi –

· Roz Subah Murge ki tarah jaldi uthh jate ho..

· Ghode ki tarah bhag ke office chale jate ho...

· Gadhe ki tarah dinbhar kaam karte ho...

· Lomdi ki tarah idhar-udhar se information batorkar Report banate ho...

· Bandar ki tarah boss ke ishare par nachte ho...

· Ghar aakar pariwar par kutte ki tarah chillate ho..

· Aur fir Bhainse ki tarah khaa kar so jate ho.

Insaano ka doctor tumhe kya khakh thik kar payega..!! 

Bai Power

How can she...

Height of Education

A policeman saw a teenage boy crying

He asked him: Whats the matter, boy?

Boy: "MATTER" is anything that occupies space & has mass.

Santa Singh on Petrol Prices...

PETROL ke rate badhne k bad..

Santa Bike leke Petrol Pump gaya,

Salesman: Kitne ka dalu.?

Santa: 10Rs ka bike ke upar chhidak de, Aag lagani hai..

The Word Has Seven Letters

Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word? Don't look at the bottom, that would be cheating...  Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word? 1. The word has seven letters.... 2. Preceded God... 3. Greater than God... 4. More Evil than the devil... 5. All poor people have it... 6. Wealthy people need it.... 7. If you eat it, you will die. Did you figure it out? Try hard before looking at the answers Did you get it yet? Give up? Brace yourself for the answer.... The Answer is: NOTHING! NOTHING has 7 letters. NOTHING preceded God. NOTHING is greater than God. NOTHING is more Evil than the devil. All poor people have NOTHING. Wealthy people need NOTHING. If you eat NOTHING, you will die. Send this brain-teaser to your smart friends and see if they can answer it.

Indian Politician on the menu

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Tourist: $ 8.00

Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00

Fried Explorer: $ 12.50

Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $ 100.00

Stuffed Indian Politician : $ 200.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Indian Politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."

Big Question...

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions. "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows."

To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Sure I can help you choose which puppy to buy!

Life...

he  following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the  creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.
 

You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them.

Just read straight through, and you'll get the point. 
 

1. Name  the five wealthiest people in the  world.

2. Name  the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name  the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4  Name  ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name  the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name  the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

 

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies..

Awards tarnish..

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.



 

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
 

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
 

Easier?
 

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the
most credentials, the most money...or the most awards.

They simply are the ones who care the most.



Pass this on to those people who have either made a difference in your life,
or whom you keep close in your heart, like I did.

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia!'

''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!"

Quality of Work & Worker

Three people were laying bricks. A passerby asked them what they were doing.

The first one replied, "Don't you see I am making a living?"

The second one said, "Don't you see I am lying bricks?"

The third one said, "I am building a beautiful monument."

Here were three people doing the same thing who had totally different perspective on what they were doing.

They had three very different attitudes about their work. And would their attitude affect their performance? 


The answer is clearly yes.

Excellence comes when the performer takes pride in doing his best. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it, regardless of what the job is, whether washing cars, sweeping the floor or painting a house.

Michelangelo had been working on a statue for many days. He was taking a long time to retouch every small detail. A bystander thought these improvements were insignificant and asked Michelangelo why he bothered with them. Michelangelo replied, "Trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle." Most people forget how fast you did a job, but they remember how well it was done.Pride of performance does not represent ego. It represents pleasure with humility.


"The quality of the work and the quality of the worker are inseparable." Half-hearted effort does not produce half results; it produces no results

Proof

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?

Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States of Am ... Erica!!!!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID"

Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am"

Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check"

Cashier: "Look Mr.. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, my mind is a total blank~~~there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing"

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

Donkey or Dog

Read this...and decide who is intelligent- Donkey or the DOG... Read and think-You may find one in your midst There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason. Moral of the story "One must not engage in duties other than his own" Now take a new look at the same story... The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fund as of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dog's duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed "ME" (Met Expectations). Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a NEW JOB ...!!!! Disclaimer: All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional.

Green Chart

Apples Protects your heart Prevents constipation Blocks diarrhea Improves lung capacity Cushions joints Apricots Combats cancer Controls blood pressure Saves your eyesight Shields against Alzheimer's Slows aging process Artichokes Aids digestion Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Guards against liver disease Avocados Battles diabetes Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Bananas Protects your heart Quiets a cough Strengthens bones Controls blood pressure Blocks diarrhea Beans Prevents constipation Helps hemorrhoids Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Stabilizes blood sugar Beets Controls blood pressure Combats cancer Strengthens bones Protects your heart Aids weight loss Blueberries Combats cancer Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Boosts memory Prevents constipation Broccoli Strengthens bones Saves eyesight Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Cabbage Combats cancer Prevents constipation Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Helps hemorrhoids Cantaloupe Saves eyesight Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Supports immune system Carrots Saves eyesight Protects your heart Prevents constipation Combats cancer Promotes weight loss Cauliflower Protects against Prostate Cancer Combats Breast Cancer Strengthens bones Banishes bruises Guards against heart disease Cherries Protects your heart Combats Cancer Ends insomnia Slows aging process Shields against Alzheimer's Chestnuts Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure Chili peppers Aids digestion Soothes sore throat Clears sinuses Combats Cancer Boosts immune system Figs Promotes weight loss Helps stops strokes Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure Fish Protects your heart Boosts memory Protects your heart Combats Cancer Supports immune system Flax Aids digestion Battles diabetes Protects your heart Improves mental health Boosts immune system Garlic Lowers cholesterol Controls blood pressure Combats cancer Kills bacteria Fights fungus Grapefruit Protects against heart attacks Promotes Weight loss Helps stops strokes Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Grapes Saves eyesight Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Enhances blood flow Protects your heart Green tea Combats cancer Protects your heart Helps stops strokes Promotes Weight loss Kills bacteria Honey Heals wounds Aids digestion Guards against ulcers Increases energy Fights allergies Lemons Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Stops scurvy Limes Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Stops scurvy Mangoes Combats cancer Boosts memory Regulates thyroid Aids digestion Shields against Alzheimer's Mushrooms Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Kills bacteria Combats cancer Strengthens bones Oats Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Battles diabetes Prevents constipation Smoothes skin Olive oil Protects your heart Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Battles diabetes Smoothes skin Onions Reduce risk of heart attack Combats cancer Kills bacteria Lowers cholesterol Fights fungus Oranges Supports immune systems Combats cancer Protects your heart Straightens respiration   Peaches Prevents constipation Combats cancer Helps stops strokes Aids digestion Helps hemorrhoids Peanuts Protects against heart disease Promotes Weight loss Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Aggravates  Diverticulitis Pineapple Strengthens bones Relieves colds Aids digestion Dissolves warts Blocks diarrhea Prunes Slows aging process Prevents constipation Boosts memory Lowers cholesterol Protects against heart disease Rice Protects your heart Battles diabetes Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Helps stops strokes Strawberries Combats cancer Protects your heart Boosts memory Calms stress   Sweet potatoes Saves your eyesight Lifts mood Combats cancer Strengthens bones   Tomatoes Protects prostate Combats cancer Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart   Walnuts Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Boosts memory Lifts mood Protects against heart disease Water Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Conquers kidney stones Smoothes skin   Watermelon Protects prostate Promotes Weight loss Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure Wheat germ Combats Colon Cancer Prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Improves digestion Wheat bran Combats Colon Cancer Prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Improves digestion Yogurt Guards against ulcers Strengthens bones Lowers cholesterol Supports immune systems Aids digestion