Professional Help

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and  found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, *"You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by
someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't
know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up,
with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional."

50 years in future...

Obama & the Canadian PM

President Obama and the Canadian PM are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

President Obama goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years’ time?"

The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, José Fernandez.... crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. Vice President Jin Tao has declared Mandarin Chinese mandatory in all USA schools. There are no worries."

The Canadian PM thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks: "What will Canada be like in 50 years’ time?"

The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.

"Come on, Steven," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."

"I can't! It's all in Punjabi!"

Computer Dependency Test

Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become
way too dependent on our computers.

*Q: How Many Legs Do You Have? *

To find out the answer, look down...

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.Look down, not scroll down!

Amazing Hair Dryer

Not long ago a friend took her ten-year-old boy to my house looking for my
wife, saying that her child had hiccups all day long. The child was very
uncomfortable and unable to eat at all. After she checked, my wife said
there was a muscle spasm in his diaphragm. Without hesitation, she took out
a blow dryer, turned on the power and started blowing at the boy's stomach.

About 10 minutes later, the boy burped and fell relieved. We were surprised
that this thing can do the trick. But my wife just smiled.

A few days later, I had a stiff neck when I woke up in the morning. I could
hardly turn my head. I recalled my stiff neck problem was treated a few
times by acupuncture and cupping when I was younger. I asked my wife for the
similar treatment. She said there weren't any needles at home nor any
suitable small jars for cupping. She just took out a hair dryer. I couldn't
help laughing. Again? This thing can cure stiff neck too? Amazing!

She blew on my shoulders and my neck for about 15 minutes. My neck was
really loosened up. I could turn my head now. Later in the evening, she
repeated that on me once more. The pain in my neck was significantly
reduced. I crowned her the "queen of blow drying".

She explained that this was inspired by the method people used in the old
days. In hospitals, with all the modern equipments we have, doctors do not
need blow dryers. Back in the old days, in rural villages especially,
doctors were poorly equipped with medical supplies. So they came up with
other means to treat patients with common pains.

Suddenly I realized this is the thermal effect on pains with the heat
generated by a blow dryer. Modern physiotherapy equipment such as electric,
laser, thermal, ultrasound and others can easily generate heat for effective
treatment. They are, of course, more powerful than a blow dryer. However,
when they are not available, using a blow dryer to generate heat will also
work, temporarily at least, on common pains such as back pain, muscle spasm,
stiff neck, leg cramps, etc. It is easily accessible and easy to operate as
long as there is electricity.

The blow dryer is really amazing. Try it. Hope it works for you too.*

Statue of a Rat

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.

Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.

He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the

Story,"says the owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.

"I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

 

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,

He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys

And sewers and begin following him down the street.

This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.

But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind

Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.

 

He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

 

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned.

*

*

*

*

The man walks back to the curio shop.

 

"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the

story?"
 

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!

Perspective...

Perfectly Logical

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: 

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." 

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" 

He replied, "They had eggs." 

(I'm sure you're going back to read it again!) 

DEALING with anger, insults,….

The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion.
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young
man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he
shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell
me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom
the gift belongs?"

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It
would belong to me, because I bought the gift."

The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same
with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then
the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy,
not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."

"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and
become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy.
But when you love others, everyone is happy."

The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are
right, o Enlightened One, "he said.”Please teach me the path of love. I wish
to become your follower."

The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to
learn. Come with me."

No health insurance

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”

He replied, “No money in the bank.”

“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.

He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

Test of Gossip

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and ...”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really …”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”