Sleeping in the Class

A teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy walked up to him,

Little boy : "teacher are you sleeping in class?"

Teacher : "No I am not sleeping in class."

Little boy : "What were you doing sir ?"

Teacher : " I was talking to God."

The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher
walksup to him.

Teacher : "young man, you are sleeping in my class."

Little boy : "No not me sir, I am not sleeping."

Angry teacher: "What were you doing."

Little boy : "I was talking to God."

Angry teacher: "What did he say."

Little boy : "God said he never spoke to you yesterday." 

Secret of Success

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.
"Two words."
"And, sir, what are they?"
"Good decisions."
"And how do you make good decisions?"
"One word."
"And sir, what is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words."
"And, sir, what are they?"
"Bad decisions."

Tried & Tested

1. "The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time."
Abraham Lincoln
(1809-1865)

2. "Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward."
Henry Ford
(1863-1947)

3. "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
Mother Teresa
(1910-1997)

4. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts."
Winston Churchill
(1874-1965)

5. "A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination."
Nelson Mandela
(1918 - )

6. "Leaders aren't born, they are made. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal which is worthwhile."
Vince Lombardi
(1913-1970)

7. "Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble."
Thomas Jefferson
(1743-1826)

8. "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face...we must do that which we think we cannot."
Eleanor Roosevelt
(1884-1962)

9. "A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."
Mahatma Gandhi
(1869-1948)

10. "The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been kindness, beauty, and truth."
Albert Einstein
(1879-1955)

11. "Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort."
Franklin Roosevelt
(1882-1945)

12. "Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate."
Albert Schweitzer
(1875-1965)

13. "I believe the unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
(1929-1968)

14. "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved."
Helen Keller
(1880-1968)

15 Great thoughts by CHANAKYA..

v  Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!! v   A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first. v  Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous. v  There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth. v   Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, what the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead. v  As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it. v   The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman. v  Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest. v  The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction. v   God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple. v   A man is great by deeds, not by birth. v   Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness. v  Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends. v  Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person. v  Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the Beauty and the Youth.

Perfect

One afternoon, Nasruddin and his friend were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love. His friend asked: 'How come you never married?'

'Well,' said Nasruddin, 'to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no common interests. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her; beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had very much in common. In fact, she was perfect!'

'So, what happened?' asked Nasruddin's friend, 'Why didn't you marry her?'

Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. 'Well,' he replied, 'it's really the sad story of my life.... It seemed that she was looking for the perfect man...'

Naam

Santa: Bhabhi ka kya naam hai?

Banta: Google Kaur

Santa: Woh kaise?????

Banta: Sawaal ek karo... jawaab 10 milte hain!

Gender Identifier...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband standing around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Hunting flies", he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?", she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Keep Driving

One day a young lady was driving along with her father.
They came upon a storm, and the young lady asked her father, What should I do?"
He said "keep driving".  Cars began to pull over to the side, the storm was
Getting worse.
 
"What should I do." The young lady asked?
 
"Keep driving," her father replied.
 
On up a few feet, she noticed that eighteen wheelers were also pulling over.
She told her dad, "I must pull over, I can barely see ahead.  It is
Terrible, and everyone is pulling over!"
 
Her father told her, "Don't give up, just keep driving!"
 
 
Now the storm was terrible, but she never stopped driving, and soon she
Could see a little more clearly. After a couple of miles she was again on
Dry land, and the sun came out.
 
 
Her father said, "Now you can pull over and get out."
 
She said "But why now?"
 
He said "When you get out, look back at all the people that gave up and are
Still in the storm, because you never gave up your storm is  now over.
 
 
This is a testimony for anyone who is going through "hard times".
 
 
Just because everyone else, even the strongest, gives up. You don't have
To...if you keep going, soon your storm will be over and the sun will shine
Upon your face again.

Mother Tongue...

A kid was filling an application form... it asked abt "Mother Tongue"

Son: What should I write here Dad?

Dad: VERY LONG & UNCONTROLED!!!

Who is in Charge?

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table
eating supper. 

The little girl said, “Daddy, you’re the boss, aren’t you?” 

Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. 

The little girl continued “That’s because Mummy put you in charge, right?